This was not how it was supposed to be...

For as long as I can remember, the only thing I have EVER wanted, was to be a mom. I never imagined it would be this hard. What an amazingly horrible emotional struggle that I would not wish upon anyone. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to have my almost 3 year old daughter, but we have been trying to give her a sibling for quite some time now and it is just not happening.


I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.


We have been tested and I have been medicated with all sorts of things, the latest being Clomid. The fertility clinic had me do a clomiphene citrate challenge test (CCCT)(Read more about that here.) and apparently I failed it. Not sure exactly what this means now, what step is next, but apparently, Clomid did not help me to ovulate, which means...no baby...again.

It was not this hard to get pregnant the first time. The first time was just a mix of provera (progesterone) and metformin (glucophage). This time, we have been doing all of that and now added to it, Clomid.

Top 10 things that have not helped us in having a baby...
10. Sex...(no problems there)
9. Reading books about how to have a baby...
8. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...
7. Crying, bargaining, and begging...
6. Pillows under butt...
5. Being asked "When are you going to have another baby???"
4. Doctors...(although they are trying to help)
3. BBT and OPK...(basil body temp and ovulation prediction kits)
2. Holding other people's babies...
1. JUST RELAXING...........................
Please refrain from suggesting any of the crap listed above. All other suggestions are welcome.

So, for those of you wondering, right now, I am a bit bitter and defeated but what will be will be...eventually.