Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's hard to keep your hopes up when nothing goes right...

I am so tired and frustrated with always being the positive person...there are so many things I am learning I have absolutely NO control over, so what's the point. Maybe I should just be a bitch...maybe not.

You know...after doing daily injections, you start to add hope to hopelessness and you expect that SOMETHING will work...well, apparently not for me. I don't know what step is next, but at this moment, I am feeling quite hopeless and frustrated and annoyed and hurt and devastated and pissed off and a multitude of other negative feelings...

You add that to the fact that Jeremiah doesn't seem to be able to get anything he was wanted or needed out of the military so far (NOTHING seems to be going right there, either) and it's just been a SHITTY week.

On a different note, my birthday weekend was fun. Thank you to my friends and hubby for making it so. :) I guess I can still get drunk for a while...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Shots for my birthday!!

I will definitely be doing shots for my birthday...two different kinds...

Needle shots in my tummy daily (more fertility drugs) and the liquor kind (maybe not shots, and maybe not daily, but I will be drinking). Dammit...I'm turning 30 tomorrow...I can do what I want.

I think most people set up goals for themselves in life to hit by certain timelines...I hit several of mine by this age, but not nearly all. I am very happily married with a beautiful daughter and a good life, so I can't complain much. I am still going to college, but am just a few months from an associates degree and moving right into my Bachelor's program. Still not quite sure what I want to focus on in the Bachelor's program, but I have a few ideas. I did not hit my weight goal, but I did lose some weight...it would help if I added an exercise program into eating better, but it's a start. Other goals I had I have no control over what-so-ever, thus the belly shots, and that's ok for now...

Anyhow...we are planning on going out for my birthday on Saturday night...to Hibatchi and then maybe to a bar or two. Still need a babysitter to do this, since the babysitter I had in mind backed out... :( Some of my friends and I are going to party and dance our arses off even if Bailey watches Victoria.

Been busy with my princess recently...we had a princess tea party, have been going swimming, to the splash pad, got her haircut, and just playing around the house. She had her 3 year wellness exam...doing just fine. She LOVES playing on my old computer. She has a video game that she knows how to load and play and it's pretty impressive to watch her figure it out.

I also went and had my hair done...added some stop-sign red highlights into it. :) I am sure I'll get some photos up here soon.

Well....looks like we'll be staying in North Carolina a while. Time to call the Realtor, renew the lease, and start painting this house. I want to tear down some wallpaper and get some color up on these walls.

Ok, got to feed the kiddo (and myself!).

Friday, August 13, 2010

Been kinda out of it...

I don't know what to write about...I have been through some stuff lately...obviously some fertility stuff, plus some military family stuff, lots of homework, and some mom's group stuff.

I feel like I'm constantly frustrated or annoyed about something and I feel so bad for my daughter and husband.

I have been busy with Victoria too though and have enjoyed that. We went to White Lake Water Park in Elizabethtown, NC this past Monday. That was fun!

We also went canoeing on the river this week, which was also fun and adventurous. The kids were awesome and we went swimming in the river & pond and had a picnic lunch.

My nieces are in town for a while and we were able to spend some time with them a couple of times, eating dinner, having a sleepover, going swimming, and going to the park. I love those little girls and have had a blast with them. We are going to miss them when they go back home. Victoria asks for her cousins all the time now.

Right now I'm working on finals in one class, just finished one for the other class which means I started 1 new class this week and will start another new class next week. Almost done with my Associates and then to start my Bachelor's program.

I am mostly just trying to avoid thinking about anything fertility wise...at least for another week or so. Ugh...the waiting sucks.

Oh, and I turn 30 on the 25th...I have mixed feelings about this...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Fertility Gods...

There are HUNDREDS of fertility Gods and Goddesses, so...whatever one I need to pray to, I pray to you for fertility!!

(yay to Wikipedia)
A fertility deity is a god or goddess in mythology associated with fertility, pregnancy, and birth. In some cases these deities are directly associated with sex, and in others they simply embody related attributes.

Of all of the Gods and Goddesses, my favorite would have to be Venus.

But, being that I was raised as a Christian, I will pray most of all to the holy trinity and the most fertile woman in the world...the only one who has ever done it without sex...Mother Mary. So, Mary, mother of Jesus, please, bless us in this fertility journey. In God's name, Amen.