Thursday, September 29, 2011

Custom made castle bed for your prince or princess

What a fantastic birthday or Christmas gift!!
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Custom made castle bed for your Prince or Princess!!

This unique bed is a fantastic themed bed that your child will absolutely love! These beds are made to accommodate a twin size mattress (not included) or even a bunk bed (add additional $250 for bunk).


This unique loft bed is strong and durable. This bed can support well over 1000lbs and is great for adding much needed storage space to a child's room. Each step up is a storage box.

Photos are shown with an 8' ceiling. This height of bed would be perfect for a 10' ceiling, but if you have 8', we can lower the bed down slightly to give additional room.

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The beds can be built and painted in any two colors you choose. Additional custom painting is optional (vines, brickwork, etc).

This bed can grow with your prince or princess and eventually have a desk and work area underneath for homework.

The kids LOVE this bed! 

This bed is a steal at this price!

This is the bed we made for our daughter. Prices start at $1500.

All beds are made off-site and assembled for you in your child's room.
NC and surrounding states only please. (Delivery fee may be applicable)

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

My Ovaries Hurt...

Apparently having a humongous cyst in your ovary hurts...really...I have had to deal with my polycystic ovaries for some time now, but those are usually small cysts all over inside of my ovaries and they never hurt. They have been giving me pains on and off for a few weeks and yesterday the ultrasound showed one cyst at 25mm and it does not feel good. Dr. P. and Nurse D put me on birth control pills for at least the next month to help get rid of the cyst. This cyst is leftover (I'm positive) from the last cycle where I had 2 follicles...1 of which was a cyst, and 1 was an egg.

See, for those of you that don't know, this cyst will gobble up all of the good egg making hormones and continue to grow unless it is suppressed by other hormones (the birth control pills) and with the cyst there, regular eggs cannot develop. Soooooo, that being said...nothing is happening for us. again. There really never is good news for me to share with the world fertility wise...each time I go it's a disappointment of one kind or another.

That being said, we just got word of deployment news very soon, so I am just going to say that I think we're done. We will not quit "trying" until he leaves, but that pretty much leaves us a few months to do what hasn't happened in 3 years, so I am pretty sure it's 1 baby for us, and a beautiful one she is too. My ovaries physically hurt from the cyst, and my uterus aches for a baby, but my head and my heart know that I have the one child, my miracle, that I was supposed to have.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I feel like a failure...

Really, how normal is it for a 4 year old who was actually a good kid with few and far-between temper tantrums to have 2 in one week? And I'm not just talking about crying over not getting something...I am talking about kicking me, biting me, throwing things at me, hitting me, pulling my hair, screaming temper tantrums??

What am I doing wrong and how the hell do I fix it?

We were at a birthday party today and she threw such a fit over a minor thing. I sat her down, got her to calm down, talked to her about it, and then she started it all up again, with the "can't catch your breath crying" about something I picked her up and told the hostess we were leaving...and then it really started...YELLING, SCREAMING...the whole thing...I took her to the car and she wouldn't let me put her in the carseat...

I know, you're thinking "how could a 4 year old stop an adult from putting her in the carseat?" well...I'm not a little person, by any means...and my daughter is little...and she was flailing her arms around, kicking me, grabbing my hair, trying to bite me, arching her back, taking her arms out of the straps...I gave up. I told her she didn't have to wear her seatbelt and that we were still leaving. I walked around and got in the driver's seat...(before you freak out...finish reading)...she is TERRIFIED of not being in her carseat, so when I started the car up, she buckled up very quickly, but then resumed her bad that I pulled into a parking lot a block away and got out of the car and stood behind it. As I got out, I simply said "I love you. Goodbye."

I let her scream a good 2-3 minutes and then I got back in and drove home...
It's horrible and I don't know how to stop her from doing it.
It's embarrassing.
I have NEVER seen a kid pitch a fit that bad...(at least not to my knowledge) and this is the 2nd one in 1 week!!! The first one she was so upset, she threw up. Here...look at the video!

She even told me "I don't like you!" and "I don't want you"

So...after this week...I'm ok with only having one child...I just feel like I'm failing at this one...

Friday, September 16, 2011

The things you learn with kids...

People always say you learn so much from kids...and it's true, but it's not always cherry topping and sprinkles...(and sometimes it is!)...

You learn patience...because if you didn't, child services would be knocking at your door...
You learn that it can take 8+ hours to watch an hour long movie...
You learn that adding 1 more child to your house is like adding an instant babysitter...
You learn interpretive dancing...from a 4 year olds perspective...
You learn to find your imagination again to tell stories and songs and play Barbies and dinosaurs...
You learn how to count time for a 4 year old...a week is FOREVER!
You learn how to laugh at the little stuff and you wish you wrote down every cute, adorable phrase said...
You learn how hard it really is to discipline your child and not laugh at your child or have a broken heart about it...(taking away the Barbies caused quite the meltdown)
You learn how to convince and bribe your child to eat, clean, behave, etc...
You learn what kinds of phrases you say (and no, they are not all bad!) often because they get repeated back to you...
You learn how magical you are when you can hula-hoop (poorly), juggle (2 balls), (attempt to) jump rope, color (in the lines!), blow bubbles, know the words to songs, know the characters names, can make up stories, make things appear/disappear, and more...
You learn that your TV shows aren't that important...but cartoons are...
You learn to eat things in front of your child that you wouldn't normally eat (ie: peas, beets, etc) because you want them to try them...
You learn new made-up words that mean things like "happy" or "sad"...
You learn that when they are hurt, you are hurt...
You learn how to explain adult concepts (birth, death, sex, etc) to toddlers...
You try to learn how to not over-react to things like spilled milk (on carpet)...
You learn how easy it is for children to make friends (and wonder why it's so hard for adults to)...
You learn that being a parent is the best job in the is the hardest and most rewarding job at times...

You learn how to love like you've never loved before...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Dessert anyone??

Just to let you know, I did not write the following analogy. A friend of mine sent it to me, though she nor I know the original author. It is a great analogy about infertility that pretty much anyone can relate to. I am not writing this for sympathy. I have my dessert. I might like more dessert one day, but for now, I am good with mine...though I'm not sure I'd call her chocolate cake...maybe key lime pie or something a bit more tart but just as satisfying. :p Either way, thought this was a fantastic way to show others what it feels like...

  Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn't be anything better!

        The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don't even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant's marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

        Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, "Hey that sounds perfect. I'll have chocolate cake too please."

        The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband's hand and sigh "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

        The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn't. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You're even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don't know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, "Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too."

        Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, "Ahhh, here he is." You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn't notice, he's busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

        You ask the waiter, "Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered"? The waiter just replies, "The baker has said that you must wait." He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can't get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, "Where is our dessert?" You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, "Even without chocolate cake, life is still good."

        Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It's getting late and people are noticing you haven't received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don't know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. "Why" is all you have to lean upon.

        You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, "Should I order cherry pie too"? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you just need to be patient and wait."

        You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, "Where is my chocolate cake?" You don't though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. "It will make me fat" one says. "Ugh. I have enough already" another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

        As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

        Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter...and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can't hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. "We knew it would happen" they say. "You just needed to relax"! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It's such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. "Something is wrong" he says. "Don't worry my dear, the time is soon."

        There's confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don't know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

        He looks at you and smiles..."Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one." You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

        As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breath. That's all you can do. You breath and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

        After quite a few dances, you both decide it's time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it's manageable. Time moves on.

        Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband's dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you're afraid too. You ask the waiter, "Will you take it away"? "No, this one was made especially for you."

        You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it's not a dessert you have ever seen before. It's then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. "How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted"? The waiter just smiles and says, "Because he knows and loves you." If you look, you can see him there. You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can't hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big "Thank You" and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

        You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It's then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way. The waiting, the crying, the agony. It's all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

        In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

        You grab your husband's hand and sigh again, "Yes, life just couldn't get any better."

Saturday, September 10, 2011

School started

V started school this week. Her first day went really well and she really enjoyed it. She was so proud of herself and how she is now old enough to go to school. Her second day...well, it didn't go so well. She came out of her room, ran to me, and started BAWLING....

Of course I asked what was wrong and she said she got in trouble in school for not listening to her teacher. She was really upset about the whole thing and the teacher came out to tell me what had happened...apparently I have the bully in the classroom...She hit two kids and poked a child in the eyes...well, I am praying this doesn't happen again, but we now have strict consequences if hurting friends happens again (taking BARBIES away!!---this will be devastating to her). She was really upset about getting in trouble anyhow, so I hope that it sinks in...

Anyhow, here are a few pics from her first day in school:

Fertility News: AF is here. I'm on my break.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wow...that was an adrenaline rush...and not in a good way...

So last night, I was sleeping quite soundly when I heard my alarm system door chime (forgot to activate it last night...will never do that again) for my back door. My Love isn't home right now...he is away doing Army stuff at work for a bit. I usually don't hear ANYTHING at night, so imagine my
(not my actual handgun, but similar)
surprise to hear that...shocked, because I KNOW I locked it last night, I grab my handgun and chamber a bullet. After doing that, I walk
slowly toward the living room, shutting V's door on the way.

I ask loudly "Is there someone in my house?"...silence...(louder this time)..."Is there anyone in my house??"...silence...

I get to the living room and see that the back door is cracked open...immediately I am imagining someone grabbed V from her bed and took her out my back door and stole her...

until she says "Mommy, I had a scary dream and was looking for you"...WTH?!?!?!?! 

Me: "Why were you looking outside?"
V: "Because I had a bad dream"
Me: "You scared me. I was in bed. You can't open the doors at night. Ever."
V: "Can I sleep with you?"
Me: "Of course..." as if there were another choice at this point...

The adrenaline was rushing, my heart was racing a million miles an hour...I couldn't get back to sleep forever! For the next couple of hours I tossed and turned and had nightmarish dreams on and off until I finally decided to call it quits and get up. Coffee was my best friend this morning. Whew...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

What do I say to that?

Ok, I actually had a fantastic day today. Did great food-wise (until this evening...see below). Mowed a few lawns, got some housework done, and had dinner with a friend. After dinner we went to a local fair and rode on rides and ate a funnel cake & bloomin onion (see...bad food...but oh-so-good!). It really was a lot of fun!

So, as for my blog title...on the way home, my daughter says to me, "Mommy, can [boy] by my brother?"
Me: "Why?"
V: "Because I always wanted to be a sister and if he is my brother then I will be his sister"

It's so cute, it really I just said "You can pretend  he is your brother when he is around."

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It's time for a break...ADDED PHOTOS

Today is my beautiful daughter's first day of preschool. She is going to love it, I just know it!! I am excited for her. While she is at school, I will be going to a library to work on my it's school for both of us.

This morning my temps dropped to for all of you who don't know what that means, I am NOT pregnant. It's ok. really. I need a break. It might only be one month, but I still need it. I am tired of shoving needles in my stomach day after day to only get one egg, I'm tired of the emotional struggle, I'm tired of making tough decisions with My Love like choosing to do an IUI or go natural...


EDIT!! Adding photos of her first day of school!!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Tomorrow is a new day...

Tomorrow is my sweet daughter's first day of preschool...well, half day actually. I know she is pretty excited and so am I. I really hope she has fun and learns a lot. She is going to a private school for 2 half-days a week. They are very learning oriented and do not even have a playground. I love it. She can play at home, but since she is only there a short time, I'm glad it will be for learning. 

Today I am 10DPO, 12DPTrigger. I do not plan on testing for another 4 days, if AF doesn't show her ugly face before then. We shall see.

I have to start getting up a bit earlier and working out. I also have to start watching what I eat a bit better. I have been very bad lately about night snacking...I am setting a rule in my house that I will not eat anything after, no later than 7:30pm. I think this will help me to go to bed earlier also because the later I stay up, the more I want to snack on stuff. Going to bed earlier will help me to wake up earlier. See...makes sense, right? Man, I hope so because I have gained about 10lbs back and need to fix it. I can't be this way. I HAVE to lose weight. Ideally, I would like to be 50lbs less than I weigh now, but even 30lbs would be fantastic. I would like to lose 10lbs by the end of the month and 30 by Christmas...I think that is doable...I just have to stick by it...

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Why would you "like" that status???

Ok, this is going to sound harsh I'm afraid, but really...

I posted the status message (on Facebook):

Out of nowhere, V asks "Mommy, one day, could we have a baby brother?" I asked why...she said "so I can dance with him"
Now while this is cute (adorable really) makes me sadder than I can even explain...because it's something I'm not sure I can ever give her...and I don't have a good explanation for her...I told her she has to ask she says "well, where is He?" Of course I explained He is all around us, blah blah blah...but the point is...there is nothing more in the world I'd love to give her...but I can't.
I understand that for those who don't know I've been dealing with infertility for 3 years would "like" this status, but for those who DO know what I've been through...this IS NOT something I like...not at all. 
I'm not even sure if I want to post this because someone will think I'm too harsh or unappreciative of what I have and of the friends I have...but, this is the truth...I don't like that status...but it really is adorable. 

Saturday, September 3, 2011


When it comes to some things, I am the worst procrastinator...I am doing it now actually. I am avoiding doing my paper and my PowerPoint presentation like the plague...I have been going back and forth between the devilish Facebook and other sites, praying that someone will entertain me enough to give me an excuse not to do my homework at this moment. I blame it on things like the fact that V is in the bath, V is still awake, V is playing...I blame it on everything but what it really is which is plain old simple procrastination. Once I get started, I know it will go quickly, but it is a matter of getting my head in the right place to get it started.
AAAARGH!!! Ok...have to do this...have to do this...getting off of here right now to do this. Really...

Happy Labor Day!

Well, it is Labor Day weekend and V and I will be hanging out for it. We will probably go to the kids museum and park and watch some movies. Maybe do some coloring or somethings.

I am feeling a bit uninspired but know that I have a bunch of stuff to do around the house. I need to clean up the yard, rake it, mow it...I need to clean our office, do laundry, go through V's toys, and maybe do some projects around the house.

Money is pretty tight right now, so I am just working on pretty much not spending any...including gas. I hate living like this.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Trying not to be boring...

I don't have much to say...I've been bored, but trying to not be BORING for my daughter. We hit up the library yesterday. I have decided to try the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. I keep reading people's review of this series and it seems addictive, so I decided to give it a shot.

We also went to the movie yesterday, saw Winnie the Pooh. It was really cute! I thought I would find it boring, but it actually made me giggle a few times and I enjoyed it. That, and the fact that it only cost me $5 total for entrance, drinks, and a popcorn for my daughter and I...perfect.

I am trying to be a bit more experimental with my cooking...I have hit a lull lately and am getting tired of the same ol', same ol'.

I am 6 DPO. Two weeks wait is boring and LONG. I have been temping, but never know quite what to think of it at this point.

I have been trying to call and hang out with my friends a bit more and become a better friend myself. I love my friends and miss just chillin with them. It's not so easy when you have kids sometimes, but I'm figuring it out.

I think I am finally at peace with the fact that V may be an only does this mean I should keep trying medically for #2? If this cycle doesn't work, do I ask for the Ovarian Drilling and if it happens from there, then so be it? Do I do it without the drilling? I'm really not sure what I want to do. My Love is happy with V, but wouldn't mind another...he's at the same point in his thoughts as I am...I have to start praying more on this for some answers.

Anyway, here are some photos of my beautiful V and our family of three!!