So, in the past two weeks, I have had 4 people I know come up pregnant...one of which was not trying and the baby was unwanted...the other 3 have been trying for a while and I honestly am happy for them. I just wonder...why not me? When will it be my turn?
It's easy for all of you who are pregnant, or who get pregnant SUPER easy, to tell me to "stop trying" because GUESS WHAT? I can't! I can't just stop wanting and I can't stop "trying" because I have to have medical intervention at this point in my life to be able to ovulate to make a Gosh darned egg to come out to GET pregnant...so :p.
My best friend just had her second baby and a TON of people I know are pregnant right now...everyone I see in the stores, restaurants and everywhere else I go are pregnant or have brand-new babies...today is just kind of a pity-me day and I'm frustrated and scared. Scared that our next step, Artificial Insemination, will not work, and then who knows what...I don't know...I guess I should just keep focusing on me and losing weight...AAAAAAARGH. stupid body.
And on top of all of that...two of the ones that are pregnant were my confidants in this struggle...and now I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this. I am tired of talking about it to people who CAN'T understand (through no fault of their own) and now I feel like they can't either...they, of course, now just say...it will be your time soon. AND I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about it from me...just makes me sad.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Just so you know...
Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be _______, but I am
I don't want to ______, but I do
I want to be _________, but I am not
I pretend to be __________, but it's just pretending
I wish it were easy for me to __________, but I guess it's not.
I keep telling myself I don't want to__________, but I really, really do.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard,
I really am.
Just so you know.
I wrote this a long time ago...about...8 or 9 months I'd say...I wrote this because I was hurting and sad and angry. I wrote this to many people and there are many words that can fill in those blanks...the words I originally filled them in with were:
Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be jealous, but I am
I don't want to cry, but I do
I want to be happy for you, but I am not
I pretend to be ok with it, but it's just pretending
I wish it were easy for me to get pregnant, but I guess it's not.
I keep telling myself I don't want to have another baby, but I really, really do.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard, I really am.
Just so you know.
So, that was my words to that poem.
Now, I really am happy for my friends that are pregnant and are popping up pregnant, but I am still jealous and hurting and cry almost EVERY time someone tells me that they (or someone they know) are pregnant...especially when I hear..."we weren't even trying!"
But, I am going to try to re-write the words on this:
Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be jealous, but I am happy for you.
I don't want to cry, but I do sometimes, and that's ok.
I want to be happy for you, but I am not, I am excited for you! I pretend to be ok with it, but it was just pretending...I am ok now.
I wish it were easy for me to get pregnant, but I guess it's not.
I keep telling myself I don't want to have another baby, but I really, really do.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard, I really am.
Just so you know.
So, just so you know my friends, I don't know what path I'm headed down as far as more children go, but I am happy for those of you who are being blessed day by day with your new little ones. It still hurts and I'm dealing with it, but it's not the end of the road.
I don't want to be _______, but I am
I don't want to ______, but I do
I want to be _________, but I am not
I pretend to be __________, but it's just pretending
I wish it were easy for me to __________, but I guess it's not.
I keep telling myself I don't want to__________, but I really, really do.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard,
I really am.
Just so you know.
I wrote this a long time ago...about...8 or 9 months I'd say...I wrote this because I was hurting and sad and angry. I wrote this to many people and there are many words that can fill in those blanks...the words I originally filled them in with were:
Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be jealous, but I am
I don't want to cry, but I do
I want to be happy for you, but I am not
I pretend to be ok with it, but it's just pretending
I wish it were easy for me to get pregnant, but I guess it's not.
I keep telling myself I don't want to have another baby, but I really, really do.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard, I really am.
Just so you know.
So, that was my words to that poem.
Now, I really am happy for my friends that are pregnant and are popping up pregnant, but I am still jealous and hurting and cry almost EVERY time someone tells me that they (or someone they know) are pregnant...especially when I hear..."we weren't even trying!"
But, I am going to try to re-write the words on this:
Just so you know my friends,
I don't want to be jealous, but I am happy for you.
I don't want to cry, but I do sometimes, and that's ok.
I want to be happy for you, but I am not, I am excited for you! I pretend to be ok with it, but it was just pretending...I am ok now.
I wish it were easy for me to get pregnant, but I guess it's not.
I keep telling myself I don't want to have another baby, but I really, really do.
I am working on it all
I am trying so hard, I really am.
Just so you know.
So, just so you know my friends, I don't know what path I'm headed down as far as more children go, but I am happy for those of you who are being blessed day by day with your new little ones. It still hurts and I'm dealing with it, but it's not the end of the road.
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