Vent, vent, bitch and moan!

Don't bother reading this if you don't want to hear me bitch about my infertility. That's all this is. 

I don't know if we'll be doing anything this cycle after-all.

My Love goes to training soon and I won't be ready until about the same time or after...
We were going to freeze his swimmers to do it, but just found out their costs more than tripled from what I was expecting. Last Sep, it cost us $125 to do it. Now, it's $530...

I guess I did stick all those needles in myself for nothing this cycle.


I'm not paying $530 to have ANOTHER failed IUI. Apparently my Dr. didn't realize that the sperm bank charges that much now...I'm wondering if they'll find another place or something...they were very shocked.
 

Nurse D called:  My Estradiol levels are only at 37 (last week they were 47...how does THAT make sense???? they're supposed to increase)...Nurse wants me to cont. meds until Friday and go back for another U/S. If nothing is happening by then or if there is only 1, I am calling this cycle off. 


So, I am fully expecting to call this cycle off. Nurse D and Dr P know it and understand.

I am just about done doing this. I can't keep doing. I hate it. I hate every part of this....maybe it's not worth it. Maybe I should just call it quits and be happy with the one I have. I am so frustrated and backed up against the wall right now...I just don't know what to do.
 
3 years! 3 years of an emotional roller coaster with way more downs than ups. I'm not even me anymore. I don't even like the me I am anymore. I'm not fun.
I hate this. so much.

You'd think I would just get used to the disappointments over and over and over. I am just done for the day...I can't keep doing this. I will keep shoving needles in until Friday and see what happens.

Ready or not?

Well, my tomatoes are ready...

My strawberries are ready...

The flowers are ready to bloom or are blooming...

but my eggs, they're not yet ready...and the timing sucks! My Love leaves for training just in time for me to be ready, but there are options we can use to get what we need...they just cost money. Money I don't want to spend on this stuff, but I did not stick needles in my stomach for the last 9 days and will continue to for the next several days for nothing.

There are a few follicles growing. One bigger one in my left ovary (this is the FIRST time in over a year to get one on my left), and a few smaller ones in my right. Nurse D will call me later with my Estradiol levels to let me know if they are eggs or cysts ***Please be eggs!!!

On a different note...Lambchop is getting quite big. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't attack my daughter every time she went outside.

V is loving her bed! She and Daddy both sit up there to read stories:

And she loves to hide in the storage steps:

And likes to just play in the top part: 

  

I finished my accounting class and start a new one today...business communications. I had better go and entertain my baby girl for a while. Have a great day!

But where is my bed?

Here are some pics of V in her new bed:

This is V when she first saw the castle in her room...a bit confused on where her bed was...

 

On a completely separate note, I wish I had my camera with me yesterday! We watched a spider build a web, then we caught a moth and threw it into the web, watched the spider scurry down to it and wrap it in silk and carry it off to its little hiding area. It was sooo cool!!

Oh, and a new kidism from my daughter! We were swimming at a friend's house and their son got out of the pool, pulled his pants down and peed off of the deck onto the ground (boys will be boys!)...Victoria, seeing this said "You're supposed to pee on the potty. Only dogs pee outside!"   Funny!

Flowers have bloomed, Castle is DONE!

Love, love, love it!!! Rialeigh is the best! She came over today after work and finished up the flowers and leaves on the bed. It's ready! Tomorrow it will be dis-assembled and re-assembled into V's room...I will take her somewhere so Daddy can get it done and it will be a surprise for her!! :) Yay!!!!
Pics!

The vines are climbing!!

My friend Rialeigh (<---her website) is AWESOME!! She came over and helped me out big time on the bed. She did the texturing and vines on the bed and will be coming back over today to paint us some roses. :) Almost done!!

Fertility: Got my U/S (Ultrasound) today. There are a few follicles growing on each side, just pray they continue to grow nice and steady. Next U/S is Monday morning. 
In related news: Getting up at 4:30am for the appt was fine, but V had to take a nap at 9am---she's not used to that. :)

I almost cried today...

V had her preschool assessment today...was it weird that I was nervous for it? My Love tells me that it is weird I was nervous...but hey man! There are 60 kids trying to get into a class of 18 kids...my kid has to beat out those others and I don't even know what they asked her. We got to the school and they came and got her and asked if she wanted to play some games with them. She tells me they played "I Spy" and some other games. They were in there less than 30 minutes.

I almost cried today taking her into the school...it's so official to me now...it's real. She's no longer my baby...

We won't know anything for a while, but should receive a letter stating if she was accepted or if she is on a waiting list within 30 days. I wish I knew so I could go look for a job. I can't sit at home and do nothing all day...it'll kill me. I'd end up looking like that in less than a year: -------->>

In other news...there really isn't much, but here you go:

• I am working on my finals for my accounting class (in unison everyone...EEEWWWWWW!).
• I am researching how to coupon to maintain my newly enacted VERY strict grocery budget.
• I need to get out with my camera and take some pics, but haven't. 
• The bed is ready for some flowers...almost done. 
• I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning and am praying for a few good eggs and no cysts.

I love flies...

So, this is going to be a random and ecclectic post of the last few days...

Kidism: Sitting at dinner the other night, My Love tries killing a fly with his hand and finally goes to get a fly swatter. Victoria says: "Why are you trying to kill it?"
My Love: "I hate flies"
V: "Daddy, I love flies. I love to chase them. And smack them. And kill them. I love them."
My Love and I almost couldn't keep from laughing. Kids are so frickin cute!

Dinner tonight was frickin awesome!! I made Tilapia with a parmesan basil sauce on it and yummmmmm....it was so good! Actually, I've quite enjoyed cooking the past week or two...I have made many different things...deer steaks, goose breasts, navy beans with ham, 15 bean cajun soup with smoked sausage, chicken and pineapple, steaks and potatoes, bourbon shrimp, and more! Yum.

Here is a picture of My Love and V pre-four-wheeling on Saturday! It was so much fun!!

The castle is moving along nicely! We still have a few touch-ups and then some rosevines to put on, but it's getting there!! 

V and I went swimming today after running some errands. I put sunscreen on her, but neglected to put any on myself....being the natural strawberry-blonde that I am...I got burnt...FAST. Ouch.

 

So, not a whole heck of a lot else going on. 

Fertility wise: A good friend of mine had a beautiful baby girl and I can't wait to meet the new little one. Another friend announced her pregnancy, so congrats to them. Another friend had success with a procedure to get pregnant, but are not announcing it yet, another congrats! A fellow blogger announced that after 4 LONG months (yes, months....) of trying, they are pregnant....oh...the stress that must have caused....bitter sometimes, yes. Honestly, I am very happy for my friends that are able to announce their joy and happiness...just waiting for my turn still.  V did announce to me recently that she wanted a baby brother, not a sister...we were in the middle of Lowe's and we were not even talking about babies...it was out of nowhere. I really don't talk to her about it because it's hard to explain to a 3 year old why we can't choose when she can have a sibling, so she says a lot of stuff on her own.