Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Vent, vent, bitch and moan!

Don't bother reading this if you don't want to hear me bitch about my infertility. That's all this is. 

I don't know if we'll be doing anything this cycle after-all.

My Love goes to training soon and I won't be ready until about the same time or after...
We were going to freeze his swimmers to do it, but just found out their costs more than tripled from what I was expecting. Last Sep, it cost us $125 to do it. Now, it's $530...

I guess I did stick all those needles in myself for nothing this cycle.

I'm not paying $530 to have ANOTHER failed IUI. Apparently my Dr. didn't realize that the sperm bank charges that much now...I'm wondering if they'll find another place or something...they were very shocked.

Nurse D called:  My Estradiol levels are only at 37 (last week they were 47...how does THAT make sense???? they're supposed to increase)...Nurse wants me to cont. meds until Friday and go back for another U/S. If nothing is happening by then or if there is only 1, I am calling this cycle off. 

So, I am fully expecting to call this cycle off. Nurse D and Dr P know it and understand.

I am just about done doing this. I can't keep doing. I hate it. I hate every part of this....maybe it's not worth it. Maybe I should just call it quits and be happy with the one I have. I am so frustrated and backed up against the wall right now...I just don't know what to do.
3 years! 3 years of an emotional roller coaster with way more downs than ups. I'm not even me anymore. I don't even like the me I am anymore. I'm not fun.
I hate this. so much.

You'd think I would just get used to the disappointments over and over and over. I am just done for the day...I can't keep doing this. I will keep shoving needles in until Friday and see what happens.


  1. I'm so sorry you're at such a frustrating point in your journey. It's easy to say "well fine i'm happy with one", but just remember how much you want to bitch slap the people that say that TO you.

    Your journey's not over. You're hitting speed bumps, but breathe, get through Friday, and trust that there's something good at the end of the road.

  2. BIG BIG HUGS! I know the feeling of not being yourself anymore. It hurts. :(

  3. Ugh...I am so sorry!!! I am feeling so frustrated on your behalf!! I wish there was something I should suggest... it's just not fair :(.

    I really hope friday holds some better news. :(

  4. hi ericka...i just came across your blog. i am so sorry you are having such a tough time with it all...you have every right to feel what you're feeling. i hope everything works out for you the way you want it to. it's so tough when the journey feels like a merry go round and roller coaster all at the same time and i will keep you in my prayers for better times to come. i also have a blog about my journey after 5 losses, still ttc our first...
    best of luck to you <3