It will be home

May 27, 2017

Everything about this move still feels very surreal and like it’s happening to someone else. It doesn’t feel like I’m leaving on Friday, and yet when I think about the date looming ahead of me, it rips opens a deep dark hole inside of me. I know, this sounds dramatic and pathetic, but it’s true. I never expected this area to be my home, but it has become so much so that it’s so hard to think of leaving it. 

We’ve been here longer than anywhere we’ve ever lived before and I’ve built a life I love. My kids have been raised here, this is their home. I have friends I love so much they became my family; my sisters, the aunts and uncles to my children. I’m no fool and I have always known that because of the military, moving was not just a possibility, but a probability. For the longest time, I would have welcomed the change to go somewhere new. 

I will build another life I'll love and I'll make more friends. i will still have all of my other friends, just a bit further away. I will be fine and I will have what is most important in my life, which is my family. With them, it will be home, no matter where we are. 

The kids seem excited about it, albeit somewhat confused on Gryphon’s part. He “knows” we’re moving to Alaska, and keeps asking to go, but he has no idea what is ahead of us. He keeps asking where his dresser is or his toybox or his books. Victoria seems like she is completely ok with the idea, so I guess that is good. Kids are so much more resilient than we give them credit for and I should take lessons in their acceptance of this.

Many of the rooms in our house are empty or close to it now. We have 5 bedrooms. One of the guest rooms and Victoria’s room are completely empty. We’ve moved Victoria into the other guest room

which has her matters and scattered blankets and boxes in it, though not much else. Gryphon’s room has his bed and an empty bookshelf at this point. Our room has our bed, a nightstand, and his dresser. The living room is down to one couch and a few other pieces of furniture and the kitchen is still fairly full. The truck is filling up quickly, but should have more than enough room to fit what is left into it.

Moving ourselves across the continent...

Travel Blog

May 23, 2017

Everyone keeps telling me I should keep a blog of our traveling adventures, so here it is…

As a military wife, I don’t get a choice in our next duty station and my husband has very limited choices. That being said, we’ll soon be moving from the Piedmont of North Carolina to the middle of Alaska. If I said I was excited about this, I’d be lying. It really is one of the only places I didn’t want to go to, but alas, that is where we are headed. I have built a beautiful life here, where we are, with friends that I love and can count on and that can count on me. I am not a fan of cold weather, of any

sort. I grew up in the cold. I don’t like it, but I damn well better get used to it quickly as temperatures average in the negatives during the winter months. I know there will be gorgeous and wonderful things to see there and I am excited to see many of them. I am a bit anxious about the 23 hours of dusk to night time during the winter and, if I’m being honest, the 23 hours of daylight during the summer. At first, the daylight sounds kind of neat, but when I really think about it, I think it will be confusing for the kids and a frustration for me. I have a hard time sleeping once the sun is up, so this will be a learning experience. The long, cold winter scares me and I feel like I’ll live snuggled up in a blanket in front of a fireplace, but I’m sure it won’t be as bad as I picture.

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW there are beautiful, wondrous things to see and do and explore. I know that there are new people to meet and that I will re-build a life there that I'll learn to love. I know that
I'll be able to see things I couldn't imagine and that I'll build new relationships. Right now, I am fully aware that I am in denial and haven't yet accepted that I'm leaving this home...even though the move is right around the corner.

Speaking of the move, we have quite the haul ahead of us as we’re moving ourselves there. Yes, you read that right. The two of us are driving three vehicles, two trailers, a 3 year old, an almost 10 year old, and a 95lb dog 5,000 miles across the continent. Seems an impossible and overwhelming task, but we’ll get it done. We may never do it again, but then again, we might love the trip. We are taking several weeks to take the trip so that we’re able to explore and relax in beautiful places that we’ve never been to.

So, how are we moving this load, you might ask? We purchased a huge moving truck that will be hauling one of our trailers. My husband will be driving that while I’ll be driving his truck, hauling a 5^th wheel trailer with my car inside of it. The 5^th wheel also doubles as a camper, so all we’ll have to do is back my car out and set up bed and we’ll be ready for camping. Yes, the Army could have moved our things for us, but because we have our four wheelers and trailers, we would have had to pay them to move us. The way we’re going about it seems like a much more financially sound (albeit, more difficult and adventurous) way to do so. When we get to our final destination, we’ll sell the truck and one of the trailers and won’t have had to pay the cost to rent a moving truck for the 5,000 miles plus the extra days we want to take for the trip. When all is said and done, we may not MAKE money on this trip, but it shouldn’t cost us the $10,000+ that renting a truck would.

I cannot express how incredibly excited and somewhat sad I am to be able to stop and visit my 94 year old grandmother and the rest of my Nebraska family. I miss my family and I do not see them nearly often enough…and I’m sad because I don’t know how often we’ll actually come back once we live that far away. We are planning on heading North from Western Nebraska to go into Yellowstone National Park for a few days and then cross the border into Canada. From there, we’ll be exploring even more. We have many days planned for camping and sightseeing, including national parks, waterfalls, hot springs, and more.

This all sounds beautiful and like quite the adventure…and yet the reality of traveling with two kids and a dog hits. What do we do with the dog while we’re exploring if she’s not allowed to be with us? How on earth will we keep our children entertained for hours on end while being stuck inside of one of the trucks? Anyone who knows me, knows that my children don’t get iPads or tablets or anything like that, but you had better believe that I will be loading up the iPad and tablet we have with movies and books and games to help keep little ones happy. We have coloring books and pencils set aside and will, of course, bring plenty of books and toys and music to help to entertain them. We are bringing my bike and the kids’ bikes so that we have some form of exercise to do while we are at our designated stopping points. This should help burn off some energy and keep people happier.

Packing has been interesting. It’s really difficult to decide what to keep out for the next two weeks we’ll be home and what we’ll need for the trip itself and then try to get everything else packed without completely disrupting our lives. Then, there are groceries; we need enough to get through the next week and a half, but not so much we have to throw too many things away. We are planning on bringing a cooler with us, but not for frozen foods. I’ve been trying to use up the things we already have here at the house, so I’ve been making some mish-mash of foods at times. Whatever doesn’t get used will be passed to friends or thrown away.

 

Saying goodbye will be the hardest part. I don’t even like to think about it. I will cry many, many tears of sadness and heartbreak over this move and have already done so. I don’t want to leave my home. I don’t want to leave my friends and loved ones. I have so many special people in my life here that mean the world to me. I know, in reality, there are things like text messaging and phones and social media that will help me to stay in touch, but honestly…it’s not the same and you know that just like I do. I am sad that I’ll be losing the ability to go grab a cheeseburger and onion rights with my friend or hang out at each other’s homes or to just be able to hug one another. This…this will be the hardest part.

The Mommy Club

***disclaimer....I may or may not have had like a whole bottle of wine by myself while watching this movie before I decided to write this.***

 

As I’m sitting here, watching The Single Mom’s Club, I can’t help but think about how much it applies to married mothers as well. We all want and need support. Many of us get that from our husbands (when they’re not gone on business trips or deployments or in training), but many don’t.

Even with getting the support when needed, we still need each other. We still need other mom’s and other women in our lives. We need to be able to look at the best in one another and let each other cry on our shoulders. We need to have a chance to vent and scream and laugh and be women, as well as moms. We need to be able to rely on one another to watch our children, to talk about our fears and our dreams, to talk about our past and our future, to exchange recipes and craft ideas, to go shopping together and get coffee or lunch. We need to be able to drink wine or beer freely together and just let loose once in a while. We need to open ourselves up, which is really hard to do as an adult, to go to playdates, so not only our children get some time with others (you know, socializing and all), but so that we can talk to another adult. We need to socialize with each other, regardless of age or color or religion or political affiliation. We need to be able to talk about the latest trends and workouts, the latest foods and drinks, the things that hold us back and the ideas that keep us going. We need to not feel lost in who WE are. We are not JUST moms. While we love our children, we need to be us too. We need to feel sexy to our husbands (or wives or boy or girlfriends or lovers or whatever floats your boat), we need to feel confident that we are good people and funny and creative and shy and outgoing and spunky and witty and intelligent and caring and everything else that goes with being us.

So many of us feel lost. Who are we? Are we doing good enough? For our kids? For our loves? For ourselves? Am I working too much? Should I be working instead of raising kids? Is the house clean enough? Is dinner healthy enough? Are the kids doing good in school? Are they happy? …..the thing is….when was the last time you asked…AM I HAPPY?

So, go to the next playdate. Go get coffee. Go to the park. Go meet other moms. Make a new friend. It’s not easy. No one said it was. Take that step (a few times at least!!!) and maybe you’ll meet that perfect mommy match. You have something in common, talk about the kids. Ask how old they are. Tell the other mom their kids are cute. Talk about what school they go to. Then….then the hard part….invite them, in person, to do something else…not just invite them to be your “friend” on social media. GO. DO. SOMETHING. WITH. THEM. This is how we have to make friends. Use your kids as an excuse…I don’t care. We all need our Mommy Club. Make one. Make a friend. Do this for you.

It can happen to you...it can happen to YOUR child...

I bring this up as a reminder to everyone to always be cautious with kids around dogs. All dogs. I know that so many people are like 
"Oh, MY dog doesn't bite" 
"My dog would never do anything to kids" 
"XYZ breed dogs are great with kids!" 

It can happen...with any breed, any dog. Even yours.

A dog's defense is their mouth. The dog could be hurt or scared or confused or hot or out of his/her element and it only takes one moment. One moment could change your life. One moment could change your child's life.

Is this a bit dramatic, yeah, I suppose it is, but ask this family or this family or this family or these people or our family. (There are many, many stories of pit bull attacks and deaths, I did not, and will not put them here. I do not think that biting is breed specific, though I believe the damage that could be caused is worse in some breeds. Anyhow, that's not why I'm writing this.)

Here's our story (and trust me, our story isn't nearly as tragic as so many others):

About 5 years ago, my heart raced more than I could ever tell you, and as a mommy all I wanted to do was to stop the pain and trauma that I knew my daughter was going through. 

We had gone to a barbecue with some of my husbands’ coworkers. Some people brought kids, some brought their dogs. It was looking to be a fun afternoon with lots of laughter. 

Our daughter was happily playing a few feet away with a big, beautiful dog, so I had just cracked open my first drink. I was interrupted as I was about to take that first, nice cool swig by the sound of my daughter screaming. 

She had been sitting beside someone’s Boxer playing with him. The dog was walking away when I went to my daughter. My husband commented that the dog must have knocked her over as he got up, so I went over to pick her up and comfort her. 

As I turned her over, I saw blood on her face…and a huge gash in her cheek. 

I remember saying that the dog bit her, then I rushed her inside to find some paper towels to soak up the blood and see how bad it really was. Well, it wasn't good. 

Once in there, I remember saying over and over “I just want to leave, let’s go, let’s just go. We need to get her to the hospital. Let's go!” I was shaking, my baby was screaming, her face was torn open. It was horrifying to see my baby like that. My beautiful baby girl…I could do nothing…

This photo is in my vehicle on our way to the hospital. It still gags me to this day to see this. Not because of the gash, but because the gash is on MY baby.

We went to the truck, I climbed in the backseat with her in my lap, trying so hard to comfort her, but freaking out the whole time…adrenaline was going strong. My husband was driving as fast as possible while being safe and he dropped us off at the front door of the children’s emergency room. I rushed in and they immediately ushered us to a room. The staff was AMAZING and I calmed quickly once we were there.

It was very difficult to even keep her calm. This next photo turns my stomach...you can see the hurt and terror in her eyes and the cut is so deep you can see the nerves and the bone. EW.

The Dr. said we were very lucky because there was a nerve exposed, but not broken, that gives her the ability to blink her eye. 

 

 

The doctors and nurses were amazing there and made the whole process much better. A plastic surgeon came in and did the stitches (19 stitches. 5 internal stitches and 14 external).

There were other puncture wounds, one small one under her eye (likely from the other canine tooth) and one inside her mouth from the bottom teeth.

We are sooo incredibly lucky that he bit where he did…had the bite been a little higher, she could have lost her eye…a little lower and it would have been her neck…Thank God for small miracles.

Are we mad at the owners? No. 
Did we sue? No.
Are we mad at the dog? No. 
Did she do something to instigate this? Maybe, but not that ANYONE there saw or heard.

So, I bring this up as a reminder that ANY…and I repeat…ANY breed of dog can and will bite.  Most people are SO shocked when they find out a Boxer did this to her...it's difficult to even find statistics about Boxer's biting people, to be honest, but it DID happen...and it happened to MY daughter.

Today, you can't often see the bite, and most people don't even realize it's there because she wears her hair down so often. But it's there, and will be for her whole life.

She is not scared of dogs. While she had her stitches in, we took her to a friends' house who has a boxer and a pit and had her play with them. To this day, she still LOVES dogs. I was (and still am) way more hesitant than she is about dogs being around her or our son, but she's fearless and amazing. As a matter of fact, she sometimes plays too rough with our current, LARGE, dog and we have to remind her that our dogs defense is her teeth.

It can happen to you, to your child. You are not invisible. They are not invisible. Dogs are not perfect.  Dogs are dogs.

Teach your children to respect dogs. Never let your child approach a strange dog without first asking the owners. Always stay close and watch your children around dogs. Always.  

Educate yourself. Educate your children. Be safe.

http://www.doggonesafe.com/Dog_Safety_for_Kids

https://www.avma.org/public/Pages/Teaching-children-about-dog-bite-prevention.aspx

Did I mention that my beautiful son is here?

I still don't have lemons...but I have a son.

I have an interesting story to share with you all. It may seem long, but it's true and it's...well, it's pretty amazing.

As many of you already know, My Love and I went through years of fertility treatments, without success, trying for a second child. We chose to stop that journey 2 years ago after yet another failed round of injections and insemination.

We never did anything to prevent another pregnancy, but since it didn't happen, over and over, we assumed it wouldn't. We actually were in the process of scheduling the big 'snip' for him because I didn't want the stress of the possibility any more. We were happy with our only and amazing daughter!

https://www.facebook.com/KatherineDPhotography

Anyhow, let me jump back about 3 years ago...

Picture this: Going through fertility treatments...daily injections...stress...crazy emotional roller coaster...every waking thought absorbed by baby brain...

I get a call out of the blue by my amazing and wonderful friend who lives in Florida. She is one of the most beautiful people you could ever hope to meet. Her heart is so giving and generous to so many. So she calls me out of the blue one day and says "I need your address. I have something to send to you." I give it to her and she simply says "I had a vision. I have something to send to you."....ummmm, ok.



So a bit later, I get this bubble wrap manilla envelope in the mail with a letter and a big rock inside of it. The rock seemed like some kind of quartz with blue in it...
The letter...well, the letter read something along the lines of "I had a vision about your future. There is a rock enclosed in the envelope. You need to meditate over this rock, saying this chant (I don't remember what it was...I think I still have the letter, and now I'm going to have to look for it). After that, you need to plant the rock with a fruit bearing tree. If you do this, you will have a son on March 15th."

Remember this part, mmmmkay!  "A SON.......ON MARCH 15TH....."

So, thinking..."no way will this work...I'll get around to it one day"...and I set it off to the side. I'd read the note now and then, pick up the rock, think about doing it, but to be honest...it seemed a bit weird, so I'd put it back down.

Well, fast forward to the past deployment, 2 years ago. A different friend and I traveled down to Florida and on our way home, we stopped to get some amazing wine and while we were there, I saw some lemon trees...thought, yum, I want a lemon tree and bought it. When I got home, I needed to pot this tree...so I said to myself, "Self, this tree bears fruit...you should toss that rock in the pot just to say you did it, mmmkay?"...so I did. And I didn't think much of it...I didn't do the chant or meditation or anything...I put the rock in with the tree and babied the crap out of the tree cause I wanted lemons (I STILL DON'T HAVE LEMONS!!).

Fast forward again to this past summer...I still track all of my cycles (they are not regular) and the symptoms of ovulation, so I had a fairly good idea of when things happened; however, we had seen these symptoms come and go many times without any reason to believe this time would be any different.

While we were camping in the mountains, I had a dream that I went to the bathhouse and when I walked in, this sweet, Southern black lady handed me a pregnancy test and told me I had to take it...and it was positive. I told Jeremiah about the dream and we laughed about it because neither of us even entertained the idea of that being possible...even mocking about how it was probably because we were talking about the big 'snip'.

As we're driving home later that week, I started thinking it was possible...but didn't want to get my hopes up or anything, so kept dismissing the idea. A few days after we were home, it kept creeping up on me, so finally I took a pregnancy test and it was, as you know, positive! HOLY CRAPOLA!!  That same week, my lemon tree made a baby lemon tree...WHAT?!?!  (it's true!!)

ANYHOW....so, being obsessive, I looked at my chart, determined when I ovulated (our 12th anniversary) and determined my due date was....wait for it...MARCH 15. I knew, then and there, this was a boy...and NEVER doubted it since then.

We did an ultrasound to estimate the due date because of my irregularity, and they gave me the due date of March 28...which I still am not sure of because since that date was given to us, EVERY measurement since has been 2 weeks big...putting the due date at...wait for it...MARCH 15. And, of course, we know that this little baby is ALL boy...(been confirmed multiple times).

So, all that being said, here is a photo of me, at 37 weeks, measuring 39 weeks and ready to meet this new little man in my life.

https://www.facebook.com/EmmaTerwilligerPhotography

So, basically, the gist of the whole story was that over 3 years ago, a distant, but wonderful friend predicted the sex and due date of this baby...now we'll see when he actually decides to come out. 

Regina, you are amazing and I love you.