So, what is your expiration date?

Someone I love very much asked me today "What is your expiration date?" 
I was confused, said "what do you mean?"
She said..."well, how long are you going to keep trying before you decide you're truly done? Will it be when Victoria is 6, 10? Do you have an age you want to be done by if you don't get pregnant soon?"


Now, stop right there. I know some of you reading are going to get all offended and upset about this, but I was not offended. She really was curious and she really did  mean well.

Ok, so...it made me think...what is my expiration date? Do I have one? The answer to the second question is definitely yes. The answer to the first question...I have no clue. How long do I want to do this? I know that I am relatively young (30) but I also know that at age 35 fertility decreases dramatically even more. I hate the emotional roller coaster that this entails, but I want to believe it will all turn out to be worth it. So, I DO know when I want to be done...now. I wanted to be done by now. I wanted to be done having children by age 30. Well, obviously that has passed...so, now, now would work for me...I want to be holding my newborn baby in 9, 10, 11, 12 months...that would be awesome!

Ok, on a TOTALLY different note...here are some random thoughts.

Someone needs to tell Lambchop (our 3 week old lamb) that my fingers are NOT udders! Milk has never come out of them, and it never will. Eat your damn hay/oats/creep!

Victoria complained she was having "bad dreams" (mind you, this was BEFORE she even went to sleep...can we say avoiding bedtime?) so taking a line from a movie I saw once, I told her to repeat 3 times "I will not dream of fluffy bunnies" ... as I walked out of her room, she was saying this over and over! SO CUTE and I love her sooo much!

Trying for a second child...

(I wrote this for my bloggy and BabyCenter (BBC) friends who are also Trying To Conceive (TTC) so there may be some terms that are unfamiliar to some people...I will try to cover them here: Intra Uterine Insemination = IUI, Big Fat Positive = BFP, Dear Daughter = DD) 

So, I had one baby already, right? The next one should be easy. Heck, getting pregnant the second time should be a breeze...well, then why is it that after years and years of trying am I still not pregnant? I just recently found a bunch of information about "secondary infertility" and had never even heard of the term before. I have been TTC for #2 for almost 3 years, seeing fertility specialists, taking Clomid, injectibles (multiple kinds), doing IUI's, timed intercourse, temping, taking Metformin, trying Soy Isoflavones, Vitamin B complex, and losing 40lbs, and we're still not pregnant. Haven't even seen a BFP since I got pregnant with DD.

I didn't realize how common secondary infertility actually was. Over 30% of infertility patients are dealing with troubles getting pregnant after already having one child...and because we already have one child, the emotional rollercoaster that people who are TTC go through is often downplayed because we already have one child. I hear things all the time like "Be happy with your one baby" or "at least you have one" or "there's no need for fertility treatments because you have a child"....

I know how hard it is to get pregnant and couldn't imagine NOT having my daughter, but having my daughter here while TTC is HARD! Not only do I have to go to all of the fertility appointments and put needles in my tummy and go to doctors appointments often and deal with ALL of the emotions that surround TTC, but I also have to take care of my daughter while doing so. On top of that, my daughter is ALWAYS asking me for a baby sister or brother. She talks about what she wants to name him/her, about having twins, about how she will play with him or her and he or she will eat from mommy's boobies...Also, not only do I feel the feelings of being a failure (because I did it once, but can't again), feeling guilty, angry, depressed, blaming myself, but I also feel extra guilt for not being able to add a sibling for my child.Then, my very well meaning friends, family, and strangers, are constantly asking (well, not so much anymore, because I've told everyone we're having problems TTC) "when are you going to have another child?" "when are you going to give her a sibling to play with?" "why did you decide to only have one?" and we still get the "just relax, it will happen" and the "as SOON as we stopped trying we got pregnant, you should stop trying" and the "temping/OPK's/IUI's worked for us"...


We always wanted several children and we both come from large families. It's hard not to become overly protective or attached to the one child we do have for fear of never having another. There has to be some kind of balance with raising her to be independent.

Well, I am grateful for my child, I love her soooo much and I couldn't imagine my life without her...AND, I want another baby soooo bad! I have watched so many people get pregnant and have their 2nd and even 3rd children since we have had our first.Because I already have one child, we have lots of friends with children her age...this means that MOST of them have siblings, many of them have had babies since knowing them, and we get to watch all of that with a big, fat smile on our face, trying to be happy for them, while trying not to fall apart inside.


Now, please, don't take this as whining...today, I feel ok, not good, but ok, with our situation...I just wanted to write this because I know that I am not the only person here TTC#2 with difficulty and just like many of you, I HATE that our TTC emotional roller coaster is taken for granted because we already have one baby. It does NOT make this journey any easier.

Ok, I have said my piece. For all who are TTC, Sticky Baby Dust to you and for those who are TTC#2, Sticky Baby Dust and peace in your heart to you. Let us enjoy the one (or more) that we have, and remember that we are not the only ones experiencing this emotional struggle. My wish for you is peace in this journey.

Hello and Welcome LFCA'ers!!