18 weeks tomorrow!

I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow. Feeling the baby move more and more...little wiggles in the tummy. It's a very good and re-assuring feeling. 

At my last OB appointment we scheduled my anatomy scan ultrasound for November 12. I'm excited, though a bit nervous for it. 

We also discussed how she would talk to the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) (high risk) about monitoring me and the baby in the third trimester. Many women have issues with the first and second trimesters, but they (and I) are not worried about those two. The third trimester was the scariest one for me. That was when we almost lost my beautiful daughter. That was when my instincts were completely wrong. That was when the Dr's saved her life. When medical intervention was absolutely necessary...and I fought it. I couldn't be happier that they actually listened to my needs (so far) and are taking my concerns seriously.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I'll be doing an elective repeat C-section for this baby. I will not fight for a VBAC like I had really wanted at one time. I don't want to go through the hours and hours of labor just to end up with a C-section again anyway and a miserable recovery because of it. Also, I'll be able to schedule things easier: my mom to come help me, My Love to participate as much as possible from overseas, and my daughter to be taken care of.

I wasn't sure I wanted to do a "bumpdate"...for so long this has been an infertility blog...full of hopes and dashed hopes, full of pain and sorrow, full of stories of my older daughter and my wishes for her...but I AM pregnant again. There is no denying that and, in the end, this is my blog...so, here goes: 

How far along: 17 weeks 6 days!

How big is baby: bell pepper

I have been feeling: Tired, occasional headaches, have to pee...all the time, hungry, stuffy, swelling...

Total weight gain/loss? About 4lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight...but I think it's all in my boobs! 

Maternity clothes?  the belly band things from Target are my friend! Some maternity shirts and I only have one pair of maternity pants (capri's).

Sleep? I wake up a lot and should take naps more...

Best moment this week? Feeling much more baby flutters!

Food cravings? Nothing specific...cheesy things sometimes

Food aversions? super sweet things, fried things, meat

Gender?  your guess is as good as mine!

Labor signs? Thank God, no. 

Belly button in or out? in

What I miss? drinking a beer once in a while...or spiked coffee! 

What I’m looking forward to? My ultrasound in a few weeks
 
I’m worried about: is baby ok?

Bump? Yuppers!

16 weeks pregnant...still seems weird to say...

I honestly never thought I'd be saying that I was pregnant again. I know that I am still having a hard time accepting and enjoying this pregnancy because of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy...but scared. I'm excited...but unsure. I have to admit that the Doppler Fetal Monitor that a friend is lending me is very, very helpful to become more excited about this whole thing. Hearing the baby move and kick and hearing the heartbeat is pretty cool.

See: 

I didn't move the wand while making this video.

I'm in my second trimester now and man, I couldn't be happier that the nausea has gone away almost completely!!!!!!! Oh morning, afternoon, and evening sickness SUCK! I was sick the WHOLE time with my daughter, so I'll take this blessing of not being sick right now. I'm also already showing. I never showed with my daughter until I was much further along.

I don't really have many baby things yet, but am working on figuring out what I will need. I know some things have changed and that some new research has come out about certain products so I am doing some research and taking suggestions. I'm not really worried about it because I know things will fall into place and I'll end up with the essentials for the baby.

It's not going to be the easiest pregnancy and birth to go through. Mostly because My Love will deploy while I am pregnant and will miss the birth and several months of the baby's life. Fortunately through technology, he will still get to see the baby and us. Also, we're lucky that we have many friends in the area and family that will visit to help things go smoothly.

Anyhow, I have been putting this post off long enough, it's time to post it!

Trying for a second child...

(I wrote this for my bloggy and BabyCenter (BBC) friends who are also Trying To Conceive (TTC) so there may be some terms that are unfamiliar to some people...I will try to cover them here: Intra Uterine Insemination = IUI, Big Fat Positive = BFP, Dear Daughter = DD) 

So, I had one baby already, right? The next one should be easy. Heck, getting pregnant the second time should be a breeze...well, then why is it that after years and years of trying am I still not pregnant? I just recently found a bunch of information about "secondary infertility" and had never even heard of the term before. I have been TTC for #2 for almost 3 years, seeing fertility specialists, taking Clomid, injectibles (multiple kinds), doing IUI's, timed intercourse, temping, taking Metformin, trying Soy Isoflavones, Vitamin B complex, and losing 40lbs, and we're still not pregnant. Haven't even seen a BFP since I got pregnant with DD.

I didn't realize how common secondary infertility actually was. Over 30% of infertility patients are dealing with troubles getting pregnant after already having one child...and because we already have one child, the emotional rollercoaster that people who are TTC go through is often downplayed because we already have one child. I hear things all the time like "Be happy with your one baby" or "at least you have one" or "there's no need for fertility treatments because you have a child"....

I know how hard it is to get pregnant and couldn't imagine NOT having my daughter, but having my daughter here while TTC is HARD! Not only do I have to go to all of the fertility appointments and put needles in my tummy and go to doctors appointments often and deal with ALL of the emotions that surround TTC, but I also have to take care of my daughter while doing so. On top of that, my daughter is ALWAYS asking me for a baby sister or brother. She talks about what she wants to name him/her, about having twins, about how she will play with him or her and he or she will eat from mommy's boobies...Also, not only do I feel the feelings of being a failure (because I did it once, but can't again), feeling guilty, angry, depressed, blaming myself, but I also feel extra guilt for not being able to add a sibling for my child.Then, my very well meaning friends, family, and strangers, are constantly asking (well, not so much anymore, because I've told everyone we're having problems TTC) "when are you going to have another child?" "when are you going to give her a sibling to play with?" "why did you decide to only have one?" and we still get the "just relax, it will happen" and the "as SOON as we stopped trying we got pregnant, you should stop trying" and the "temping/OPK's/IUI's worked for us"...


We always wanted several children and we both come from large families. It's hard not to become overly protective or attached to the one child we do have for fear of never having another. There has to be some kind of balance with raising her to be independent.

Well, I am grateful for my child, I love her soooo much and I couldn't imagine my life without her...AND, I want another baby soooo bad! I have watched so many people get pregnant and have their 2nd and even 3rd children since we have had our first.Because I already have one child, we have lots of friends with children her age...this means that MOST of them have siblings, many of them have had babies since knowing them, and we get to watch all of that with a big, fat smile on our face, trying to be happy for them, while trying not to fall apart inside.


Now, please, don't take this as whining...today, I feel ok, not good, but ok, with our situation...I just wanted to write this because I know that I am not the only person here TTC#2 with difficulty and just like many of you, I HATE that our TTC emotional roller coaster is taken for granted because we already have one baby. It does NOT make this journey any easier.

Ok, I have said my piece. For all who are TTC, Sticky Baby Dust to you and for those who are TTC#2, Sticky Baby Dust and peace in your heart to you. Let us enjoy the one (or more) that we have, and remember that we are not the only ones experiencing this emotional struggle. My wish for you is peace in this journey.

Hello and Welcome LFCA'ers!!