Our hearts are broken...sweet Bailey is gone...

Our hearts are broken... We've known this was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. Thinking logically about it, I was ok, but my emotions don't agree. Bailey hasn't been doing well for a while now and we could see her health getting worse and worse. I have shed more tears in the last few days then I would like to admit. 

Explaining this to our daughter was the toughest thing we've ever had to do, but she is strong and she will be alright, in time. 

I did take some time alone with her and spend a special day for just she and I. We went for a ride in the car, for a walk in the woods, and we hung out at the lake for a while. We both enjoyed ourselves and I got some great photos of my beautiful Bailey. 

 

 

  We Lost a Friend

We lost a special friend today
the kind you can't replace,
and looking at her empty bed
We still can see her beautiful face.
We know she's in a special place
our Lord has for such friends,
Where meadows, fields and flowers
help make them strong and whole again.
We know she's watching over us
She'll be with us when we cry,
So with one more kiss on her beloved head
We told our friend goodbye.

I love you Bailey. WE love you. So much.  

Baby Hampton showed us the goods!!!!!!!

We had our 20 week ultrasound anatomy scan today. Of course the ultrasound techs won't tell you much as they do their work, but as I asked questions, she was able to show me or confirm what I asked.

 Profile shot

 Baby was all curled up in there. Tech even said we may have to come back for more measurements later.

So, from what I can tell from the very basic knowledge I have of ultrasounds, everything looks great!

 

Thumbs up!! 

The tech didn't get quiet at any point or turn the screen away or anything, so I don't feel like there is anything scary.

Big feet, just like sister!

When they finally brought My Love in the room (hospital policy is that ONLY the patient can be present during the actual exam), she went over all of the basic parts again, listened to the heart, and pushed and prodded until we found the goods!

We have a boy!!!!! 

 

I just knew it! I've known it for a while in my heart, so it was a great confirmation to see the evidence.

We did a gender reveal to our daughter first, then announced to family through phone calls and texts, then we posted photos that my friend (and amazing photographer) took to the rest of the world!

So exciting!! We have our girl and now we'll have our boy!

18 weeks tomorrow!

I'll be 18 weeks tomorrow. Feeling the baby move more and more...little wiggles in the tummy. It's a very good and re-assuring feeling. 

At my last OB appointment we scheduled my anatomy scan ultrasound for November 12. I'm excited, though a bit nervous for it. 

We also discussed how she would talk to the MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) (high risk) about monitoring me and the baby in the third trimester. Many women have issues with the first and second trimesters, but they (and I) are not worried about those two. The third trimester was the scariest one for me. That was when we almost lost my beautiful daughter. That was when my instincts were completely wrong. That was when the Dr's saved her life. When medical intervention was absolutely necessary...and I fought it. I couldn't be happier that they actually listened to my needs (so far) and are taking my concerns seriously.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I'll be doing an elective repeat C-section for this baby. I will not fight for a VBAC like I had really wanted at one time. I don't want to go through the hours and hours of labor just to end up with a C-section again anyway and a miserable recovery because of it. Also, I'll be able to schedule things easier: my mom to come help me, My Love to participate as much as possible from overseas, and my daughter to be taken care of.

I wasn't sure I wanted to do a "bumpdate"...for so long this has been an infertility blog...full of hopes and dashed hopes, full of pain and sorrow, full of stories of my older daughter and my wishes for her...but I AM pregnant again. There is no denying that and, in the end, this is my blog...so, here goes: 

How far along: 17 weeks 6 days!

How big is baby: bell pepper

I have been feeling: Tired, occasional headaches, have to pee...all the time, hungry, stuffy, swelling...

Total weight gain/loss? About 4lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight...but I think it's all in my boobs! 

Maternity clothes?  the belly band things from Target are my friend! Some maternity shirts and I only have one pair of maternity pants (capri's).

Sleep? I wake up a lot and should take naps more...

Best moment this week? Feeling much more baby flutters!

Food cravings? Nothing specific...cheesy things sometimes

Food aversions? super sweet things, fried things, meat

Gender?  your guess is as good as mine!

Labor signs? Thank God, no. 

Belly button in or out? in

What I miss? drinking a beer once in a while...or spiked coffee! 

What I’m looking forward to? My ultrasound in a few weeks
 
I’m worried about: is baby ok?

Bump? Yuppers!

October ICLW

Well hello there fellow bloggers! 
This is my 5th ICLW and I look forward to reading other's stories, finding some new blogs, and hopefully gaining a few more followers on mine. I haven't done this for since October of 2 years ago.



"It'll happen when you least expect it"
Well, I suppose that is a true statement for us...though NOT what you want to hear when TTC...trust me, I know!
We had a huge surprise this July when I found out I am pregnant with #2. I am 17 weeks right now and doing well, though I still have a hard time believing it's real sometimes. Especially after trying to conceive (TTC) for almost 5 years for a second child. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter that is the light of our lives, but wanted so badly to give her a sibling.
I say this baby is a surprise because after all of the unsuccessful fertility treatments we truly thought that it just wasn't going to happen for us and we were to a point where we had accepted that. We had sold all of the baby items and though the thought never fully left the back of my mind when I'd see 'fertile' signs, I never thought I would ever see another pregnancy test with 2 lines.

Some history
I am 33 years old and My Love is 35 years old. We have been married over 12 years.

My Love is in the military and is always in and out of training and deployments, so TTC timing was always difficult, but we did fertility treatments for over 3 years, including supplements, weightloss (kind of minimal), fertility drugs, and 6 failed IUI's.


My daughter: At about 25-26 years old we decided to TTC #1...no cycles were happening for me though, a year later, went to the Dr....tests and tests and tests later, low and behold I have PCOS. Got on Metformin and Provera...2 cycles later, BFP! 9 months later and some pretty scary complications in the end...a beautiful baby girl! Her birth story.

Anyhow...5 years ago, in August, we started TTC#2...I was already on Metformin and taking Provera to get things going...
Not happening.
Seek RE.
Clomid resistant...start injectibles...
2 years of fertility injections,
6 IUI's,
all BFN's...
Only positive pregnancy test I've ever seen resulted in that beautiful baby above.

Just because I had one, didn't lessen the want or hurt for another, though I wish I could say it does. Secondary infertility is horrible and traumatizing and hard. I do have my daughter, yes, but I want so badly to give her a sibling, to give My Love another child, to hold another baby of mine in my arms (and hopefully not miss out on the birth!). I ached for this and because I have a young daughter, we go to school, birthday parties, and playdates with mom's who have had their 2nd and 3rd children in the time we had been trying for one more. I put a smile on my face and cried on the inside.

typical PCOS ovary w/1 large follicle

It was so difficult to talk to most anyone about infertility because so few people can truly comprehend it and when you're going through it, there isn't much else that you can think about. It's emotionally draining and time consuming...and it HURTS. This is why I started this blog so long ago.  Writing my blog and following others (some through successful pregnancies, and others that haven't hit that lotto yet) is what got me through the last many years.

My plan is NOT to turn this blog into a pregnancy blog, but I will occasionally post about the pregnancy. Not because I'm trying to hurt anyone going through fertility, but because we did end up with another chance...another miracle. 

Needless to say...someone is pretty excited!!

16 weeks pregnant...still seems weird to say...

I honestly never thought I'd be saying that I was pregnant again. I know that I am still having a hard time accepting and enjoying this pregnancy because of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy...but scared. I'm excited...but unsure. I have to admit that the Doppler Fetal Monitor that a friend is lending me is very, very helpful to become more excited about this whole thing. Hearing the baby move and kick and hearing the heartbeat is pretty cool.

See: 

I didn't move the wand while making this video.

I'm in my second trimester now and man, I couldn't be happier that the nausea has gone away almost completely!!!!!!! Oh morning, afternoon, and evening sickness SUCK! I was sick the WHOLE time with my daughter, so I'll take this blessing of not being sick right now. I'm also already showing. I never showed with my daughter until I was much further along.

I don't really have many baby things yet, but am working on figuring out what I will need. I know some things have changed and that some new research has come out about certain products so I am doing some research and taking suggestions. I'm not really worried about it because I know things will fall into place and I'll end up with the essentials for the baby.

It's not going to be the easiest pregnancy and birth to go through. Mostly because My Love will deploy while I am pregnant and will miss the birth and several months of the baby's life. Fortunately through technology, he will still get to see the baby and us. Also, we're lucky that we have many friends in the area and family that will visit to help things go smoothly.

Anyhow, I have been putting this post off long enough, it's time to post it!

Surprise! We're expanding the family a bit further...

In July we spent a week in the mountains of West Virginia riding our four-wheelers through the Hatfield-McCoy trails and had a blast!! While I was there, I had a dream that someone handed me a pregnancy test and I took it and it was positive...Ha!! Now, wouldn't THAT be funny??? 3 years of fertility treatments and we had stopped trying anything about a year and a half ago, just before when My Love deployed.

So, we get home, and I just can't shake the dream, or the feeling that something was different. I went to Dollar General and had to secretly ask for a test (because Lil One was in there and I didn't want her realizing what was happening). I went home and did the test that day...INSTANTLY, this is what I saw:

I was in shock...complete and absolute shock...I told My Love to come see and he was in shock as well...neither of us expected that!
We went to the Dr later that week and confirmed via bloodtest...I'm PREGNANT!
Didn't have any idea how far along I really was because of the PCOS and irregular cycles, so we did a couple of quantitative HCG count tests and an Ultrasound later on. Apparently I'm about 10 weeks now (I thought I'd be closer to 12, at least).

So, without further ado...let me introduce our NEWEST addition..."gummy bear"

We are excited though cautious. This was obviously not planned, but definitely a blessing!

I guess we just had to "stop trying" and "relax" and "get rid of all of our baby stuff" and "give it time" and blah, blah, blah...I've never believed in all of that, but I do believe in miracles...heck, I have one already!!

Oh, and our last "new addition" of Sable, our "puppy"...she is a HUGE dog! She's smart and goofy and so incredibly lovey! She loves to play fetch and wrestle!
Here is a photo of her (Sable, (the dark one) 6 months) with our 10.5 year old (silver) Weimaraner, Bailey.

Not gone...just busy!!

This summer has been so, so busy!! With four-wheeling vacations, visiting family in Florida, and a new puppy, we have been going non-stop! Speaking of this puppy....HUGE!!!! She is 6 months old this week and is 53lbs...Monstrous I tell ya (and beautiful!)! We are trying to figure out future deployment schedules, work, school, and everything else and trying to enjoy the summer break as much as we can! What big thing did you do this summer?
Here are a few photos...enjoy!   

Oh, and before you leave...just know I will be posting a few more pretty cool photos soon. :)

Adding to the family

So, it has been a very, very long time since I have written on my blog. I've just been...well...lazy, to be honest. Even when I think of something to write about, I just don't do it...or I write up a rough draft and never finish it up. But, we now have something to tell the world. 


As many of you know, we were not able to expand our family naturally as we had wanted, so we have decided to adopt.


We will be getting a beautiful baby girl. She has dark hair and eyes and we know that she'll fit so well into our family.


We have been receiving pictures and information about her since her birth. We have been buying and rearranging things to prepare for her arrival on Wednesday.


We have thought about this many times and the timing just never seemed right, but finally, the timing will work out well. We can't tell you how excited we are to meet her and love her and watch her grow up!!


So....without further ado, please allow us to introduce you to Sable, our newest addition!

Sable is a blue Weimaraner and she will be 6 weeks old when she comes to live with us. Bailey is, unfortunately, getting older and her fatty tumors are growing quite large, so we wanted to get a puppy now so Bailey can play with her and help us to train her. We are excited and a bit nervous, of course, because let's face it...as cute as puppies are, they can really suck sometimes (middle of the night whining, peeping/pooping on the floors, training).