Thursday, April 7, 2011

Who says being 30 is better? Better than what??

I read comments from people all the time, scared to turn 30 and it NEVER fails, SOMEONE replies with "30 is better, you'll see!" or something along those lines...Why don't I feel this way? I sometimes feel like I'm failing at life...I have no career, I lost everything we have already worked for, I can't get pregnant, my body hurts...I just don't feel better about myself now than I did at 29, 28, etc, I felt like there was more hope for my life...I had all these goals I wanted to reach by the time I hit 30...

On the other hand I do have my wonderful husband of 10 years this year, who is supportive, caring, and loves me and our family so much. He is my best friend and I couldn't imagine NOT having spent the last 12 years with him. While he may not be a romantic in many senses, he does always have fresh flowers for me when he's home and he always tells me he loves me. He is strong, he is a protector, he loves adrenaline rushes, he is smart, and handy and wonderful. Being 30 with him is a good thing and am interested to see where our lives go in the next 10 years.

I also have my beautiful daughter. She is smart, talks too much (gee, wonder where she gets that from?), creative, spontaneous, and silly. She is the little girl that finds the prettiest dress she owns, puts in on and goes out to the yard to make mud pies. She pretends to be shy, but really wants to be the center of attention. She is bossy, likes to argue with me, and teases the animals too much. She is a trooper and if she gets hurt, she usually brushes it right off and keeps on going. She would make a GREAT big sister and asks for a baby brother or sister all the time. I love her so much and can't wait to learn more about her as she grows up.

I am going to college, working towards my Bachelor's Degree in an online University. I am afraid that I am missing important lessons for my future career by choosing to get a degree online rather than an on-site campus, but this is what works for us at this time.

There are other goals I am working on and while I may not have reached them by age 30...I will reach the ones I have control over. What is not in my control is in God's and for those goals I will pray and do what I can to help. I think that yes, 30 is better than 20, but somewhere in the middle was great too and since I can't turn back the clock, I can only do my best with what I am given at this time.


  1. What are you going to school for?

  2. as each year passes, i think you learn to let go and abide by the thinking of "what will be, will be" - we really don't have control over everything and things will happen if they're meant to.

    it's taken me nearly 32 years to accept that, not be "fine" with it but accept it.

    i hope you have/had a happy birthday!