Monday, August 22, 2011

To say, or not to say...

You know, growing up I was always told that if I could not say something nice, then I shouldn't say anything at all...well, I think the same thing goes when you're typing something to commenting etiquette.

For instance, one of my fellow bloggers was called a "twat" by an 'anonymous' blogger because she was (very rightfully) complaining that she was suffering from morning sickness. This girl fought hard to get pregnant, going through multiple IVF's and more and I understand that 'anon' didn't want to read someone else's pregnancy complaints when assumably this 'anon' is probably suffering from infertility also. I know it hurts, but did it help 'anon' to put down someone else? To say something (very) mean?

Then, I get a comment that basically states that maybe God doesn't want me to have another child and that me wanting it is selfish. This, on a blog post about how awesome my daughter is and how if I do not get another it will be more than ok because I have been blessed with her. Now, don't get me wrong, the whole comment was not bad, it stated that maybe there is another child out there for us, even if I don't birth that child...and I have said this before.

I agree, maybe it is God's will that V be an only child, but what step do I take next? Do I get off the fertility meds and pray that it happens on it's own? Do I just quit trying? If My Love and I decide to call it quits, it will REALLY be quits...either we go back on birth control or he gets fixed. I have decided this is not because I don't want an 'oops' child, but because I don't want to hope and pray every month and to be disappointed time and again for years to come. Do I start looking into adoption? What next?

So, another thought crossed into my head...saying I should not pursue getting pregnant again because it might mess with God's plan for me, is like me telling someone they should not receive medical treatments (like chemo) that would save their lives because maybe they are supposed to be dead and they are messing with God's plan too...
Ok, maybe not that drastic, but you get it.


  1. You know what - comments like what "anonymous" made really make my blood boil. This "God's Plan" is a load of crap - what about the thousands of children who are sexually abused everyday in the world by sick people - is that in God's Plan? What about the woman down the road who was raped and murdered - was that in God's plan or the millions starving around the world?? Or what about the poor people who perished in the Nazi concentration camps - God's Plan??? I don't think so.

    Also, if the anonymous reader suddenly has a heart attack in her home - she shouldn't bother calling an ambulance to save her because as she said it's God's Plan - she's not meant to live!!! See how ridiculous that sounds. In her world, all hospitals should be shut down, science should be stopped in its tracks...because what's the point???

    I'm not religious, but I have heard that God has given us free will - maybe that's why there is good and evil in the world and maybe that's why the human brain has been allowed the develop to understand science, to invent ways to help us live longer, have a healthier life, save babies that might have died at birth 50 years ago, help create life.

    Anyone who has gone through infertility knows that science can only take us half way - nature does the rest. Example: doctors can only "Transfer" embryos, they can no make them implant.

    So to the person who left the anonymous comment: Re-evaluate your beliefs...they don't make ANY sense.

  2. You know, just because someone desperately wants what someone else has, that does NOT give them to be rude like these anonymous commenters have been.

    When my husband and I were going through secondary infertility, my sister-in-law actually said "I don't know why you are so desperate to have another child. After all, you already have two." I was so pissed.

    But, back to you, I hope you can reach your heart's desire and have a sibling for your daughter.

    ICLW #19

  3. Oh my goodness...

    I had read the "twat" issue and I was appalled there. Now, I'm more appalled. I can't even believe that someone would say that. Even in my darkest days when I was so very very upset that I kept losing my pregnancies, I never begrudged any of the women in this community their own. I looked to them as success stories and hoped (desperately) that I may one day be in their position.

    I do believe in God and I don't believe that God's Plan is anything you have to worry about because it is His plan. You will do what you can to achieve your plan...and maybe it will work (I really hope it does) and maybe it won't, but it isn't up to anyone else to decipher it for you. Even if it was God's plan that you had only one child, it certainly wouldn't be because you are "too selfish" - the God I know doesn't punish in that way. He is perfect and would not be petty in those ways.

    Wow...sorry, that's my venting there. I'm terribly sorry someone said something so thoughtless and hurtful to you. I hope things do work out for you and that you do get to have the child you desire!

    ICLW 76