I started my injections yesterday and it hurt so bad, but I think I injected an air bubble first or something because today didn't hurt at all. I have never tried just Menopur by itself before. Last time I was on a mix of Menopur and Gonal-F and developed many cysts instead of any maturing eggs. I am praying that my results this time are different.
So excited that my husband is coming home today! He's been gone 5 weeks and we are ready to have him home for a while! Unfortunately he's coming home to a honey-do list, but he is so handy. :)
Victoria is watching the Royal Wedding right now and just asked me who she can marry to become a real princess. Too cute. Oh, and she wants to be a flower girl.
Lambchop is doing good too. I know i haven't updated anyone on that yet. He is getting so big and is down to one bottle in the morning and two at night. He really like cracked corn and oats though getting him to eat whole-grain corn (which is supposed to be better for his tummy) has been an absolute fight. I also don't think he drinks water yet and relies on me for his fluid intake...I really hope this changes as I start to wean his feedings.
Well, I'm off to finish up some homework for my final week in my Ethics class and to do some quick cleaning.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Pictures in a purple dress...
My sweet baby and I went out and took some photos the other day and here are some of my favorite ones. Enjoy!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Bust an Infertility Myth for National Infertility Week - Secondary Infertility
Myth: If you already have one child, you know you are fertile and will have no problems conceiving again.
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, the largest nationwide non-profit improving the lives of people diagnosed with infertility posed a challenge for national infertility week to bust Infertility Myths.
Infertility comes in many forms. A diagnosis of infertility comes after a couple has been "trying" to get pregnant for 1 year without success for women under 35 years old and for 6 months for women over 35. Infertility can be caused by a multitude of reasons, from both the male and/or the female's side.
Secondary infertility means that a couple already has one or more children and is now having difficulty conceiving again.
Well, let's bust a myth! This is kind of a compilation of a few previous blog posts of mine:
I hate the word "infertile"...It makes me feel incomplete, inept, imperfect, inadequate, and wanting. This struggle of infertility is emotional beyond belief. It's a cycle that goes with the female cycle...starting with despair but quickly moving to hope, remaining hopeful through the injections and ultrasounds, then onto the waiting, the unsureness, the bouncing between scared and praying and hopeful and dreaming and excited, then, the despair starts again...this is a monthly process that I have been enduring for almost 3 years now.
So, I had one baby already, right? The next one should be easy. Heck, getting pregnant the second time should be a breeze...well, then why is it that after years and years of trying am I still not pregnant? I just recently found a bunch of information about "secondary infertility" and had never even heard of the term before. I have been trying to conceive (TTC) for #2 for almost 3 years, seeing fertility specialists, taking Clomid, injectibles (multiple kinds), doing IUI's, timed intercourse, temping, taking Metformin, trying Soy Isoflavones, Vitamin B complex, and losing 40lbs, and we're still not pregnant. Haven't even seen a positive pregnancy test since I got pregnant with my little girl.
I didn't realize how common secondary infertility actually was. Over 30% of infertility patients are dealing with troubles getting pregnant after already having one child...and because we already have one child, the emotional rollercoaster that people who are TTC go through is often downplayed because we already have one child. I hear things all the time like "Be happy with your one baby" or "at least you have one" or "there's no need for fertility treatments because you have a child"....
I know how hard it is to get pregnant and couldn't imagine NOT having my daughter, but having my daughter here while TTC is HARD! Not only do I have to go to all of the fertility appointments and put needles in my tummy and go to doctors appointments often and deal with ALL of the emotions that surround TTC, but I also have to take care of my daughter while doing so. On top of that, my daughter is ALWAYS asking me for a baby sister or brother. She talks about what she wants to name him/her, about having twins, about how she will play with him or her and he or she will eat from mommy's boobies...
Also, not only do I feel the feelings of being a failure (because I did it once, but can't again), feeling guilty, angry, depressed, blaming myself, but I also feel extra guilt for not being able to add a sibling for my child. Then, my very well meaning friends, family, and strangers, are constantly asking (well, not so much anymore, because I've told everyone we're having problems TTC) "when are you going to have another child?" "when are you going to give her a sibling to play with?" "why did you decide to only have one?" and we still get the "just relax, it will happen" and the "as SOON as we stopped trying we got pregnant, you should stop trying" and the "temping/ovulation predictor kits/IUI's worked for us"...
We always wanted several children and we both come from large families. It's hard not to become overly protective or attached to the one child we do have for fear of never having another. There has to be some kind of balance with raising her to be independent.
Well, I am grateful for my child, I love her soooo much and I couldn't imagine my life without her...AND, I want another baby soooo bad! I have watched so many people get pregnant and have their 2nd and even 3rd children since we have had our first. Because I already have one child, we have lots of friends with children her age...this means that MOST of them have siblings, many of them have had babies since knowing them, and we get to watch all of that with a big, fat smile on our face, trying to be happy for them, while trying not to fall apart inside.
I just wanted to write this because I know that I am not the only person here TTC#2 with difficulty and just like many of you, I HATE that our TTC emotional roller coaster is taken for granted because we already have one baby. It does NOT make this journey any easier.
Ok, I have said my piece. For all who are TTC, Sticky Baby Dust to you and for those who are TTC#2, Sticky Baby Dust and peace in your heart to you. Let us enjoy the one (or more) that we have, and remember that we are not the only ones experiencing this emotional struggle. My wish for you is peace in this journey.
For more information on Infertility or to possibly help someone you know that is struggling with infertility, please see the websites below:
Infertility 101: http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, the largest nationwide non-profit improving the lives of people diagnosed with infertility posed a challenge for national infertility week to bust Infertility Myths.
Infertility comes in many forms. A diagnosis of infertility comes after a couple has been "trying" to get pregnant for 1 year without success for women under 35 years old and for 6 months for women over 35. Infertility can be caused by a multitude of reasons, from both the male and/or the female's side.
Secondary infertility means that a couple already has one or more children and is now having difficulty conceiving again.
Well, let's bust a myth! This is kind of a compilation of a few previous blog posts of mine:
I hate the word "infertile"...It makes me feel incomplete, inept, imperfect, inadequate, and wanting. This struggle of infertility is emotional beyond belief. It's a cycle that goes with the female cycle...starting with despair but quickly moving to hope, remaining hopeful through the injections and ultrasounds, then onto the waiting, the unsureness, the bouncing between scared and praying and hopeful and dreaming and excited, then, the despair starts again...this is a monthly process that I have been enduring for almost 3 years now.
So, I had one baby already, right? The next one should be easy. Heck, getting pregnant the second time should be a breeze...well, then why is it that after years and years of trying am I still not pregnant? I just recently found a bunch of information about "secondary infertility" and had never even heard of the term before. I have been trying to conceive (TTC) for #2 for almost 3 years, seeing fertility specialists, taking Clomid, injectibles (multiple kinds), doing IUI's, timed intercourse, temping, taking Metformin, trying Soy Isoflavones, Vitamin B complex, and losing 40lbs, and we're still not pregnant. Haven't even seen a positive pregnancy test since I got pregnant with my little girl.
I didn't realize how common secondary infertility actually was. Over 30% of infertility patients are dealing with troubles getting pregnant after already having one child...and because we already have one child, the emotional rollercoaster that people who are TTC go through is often downplayed because we already have one child. I hear things all the time like "Be happy with your one baby" or "at least you have one" or "there's no need for fertility treatments because you have a child"....
I know how hard it is to get pregnant and couldn't imagine NOT having my daughter, but having my daughter here while TTC is HARD! Not only do I have to go to all of the fertility appointments and put needles in my tummy and go to doctors appointments often and deal with ALL of the emotions that surround TTC, but I also have to take care of my daughter while doing so. On top of that, my daughter is ALWAYS asking me for a baby sister or brother. She talks about what she wants to name him/her, about having twins, about how she will play with him or her and he or she will eat from mommy's boobies...
Also, not only do I feel the feelings of being a failure (because I did it once, but can't again), feeling guilty, angry, depressed, blaming myself, but I also feel extra guilt for not being able to add a sibling for my child. Then, my very well meaning friends, family, and strangers, are constantly asking (well, not so much anymore, because I've told everyone we're having problems TTC) "when are you going to have another child?" "when are you going to give her a sibling to play with?" "why did you decide to only have one?" and we still get the "just relax, it will happen" and the "as SOON as we stopped trying we got pregnant, you should stop trying" and the "temping/ovulation predictor kits/IUI's worked for us"...
We always wanted several children and we both come from large families. It's hard not to become overly protective or attached to the one child we do have for fear of never having another. There has to be some kind of balance with raising her to be independent.
Well, I am grateful for my child, I love her soooo much and I couldn't imagine my life without her...AND, I want another baby soooo bad! I have watched so many people get pregnant and have their 2nd and even 3rd children since we have had our first. Because I already have one child, we have lots of friends with children her age...this means that MOST of them have siblings, many of them have had babies since knowing them, and we get to watch all of that with a big, fat smile on our face, trying to be happy for them, while trying not to fall apart inside.
I just wanted to write this because I know that I am not the only person here TTC#2 with difficulty and just like many of you, I HATE that our TTC emotional roller coaster is taken for granted because we already have one baby. It does NOT make this journey any easier.
Ok, I have said my piece. For all who are TTC, Sticky Baby Dust to you and for those who are TTC#2, Sticky Baby Dust and peace in your heart to you. Let us enjoy the one (or more) that we have, and remember that we are not the only ones experiencing this emotional struggle. My wish for you is peace in this journey.
For more information on Infertility or to possibly help someone you know that is struggling with infertility, please see the websites below:
Infertility 101: http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/
National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html
UPDATE!!! My daughter shouldn't have to see me like this...
It's not often I post twice in one day but...since my last post, it has been very emotional for me. A bit of TMI for some readers, but my cycle started, which means I call my fertility doctors to schedule the next round of drugs and monitoring and all of that.
This is great news! Until...I called. My fertility Dr. and his staff are on vacation and nobody will be seen until May 2nd. Really? I mean...REALLY!?!?!?!?!?! As soon as they told me I could not start this cycle I just broke down...I couldn't even finish talking to the girl on the phone.
I timed this cycle perfectly (with the help of the birth control pills) so that when My Love came home my body was ready for his goods and we could get pregnant...and now I'm being told...nope, too bad...NO!
What makes it worse is he leaves again in a month for MORE training...I don't know...I'm starting to think it's just not supposed to happen for us and it's killing me. I am having trouble stopping the tears from flowing and hiding them from my daughter right now.
She shouldn't have to see me this way. Why does this have to be so hard? Why do some people get pregnant so easily...even when they don't want to?
I am honestly debating on using the thousands of dollars of fertility drugs I have on my own and just hoping I ovulate on my own with whatever I end up with...I'm sure that would be stupid, but I'm not willing to give up this cycle yet.
I'm just pissed and hurt and frustrated and want to scream...
This is great news! Until...I called. My fertility Dr. and his staff are on vacation and nobody will be seen until May 2nd. Really? I mean...REALLY!?!?!?!?!?! As soon as they told me I could not start this cycle I just broke down...I couldn't even finish talking to the girl on the phone.
I timed this cycle perfectly (with the help of the birth control pills) so that when My Love came home my body was ready for his goods and we could get pregnant...and now I'm being told...nope, too bad...NO!
This sucks!
What makes it worse is he leaves again in a month for MORE training...I don't know...I'm starting to think it's just not supposed to happen for us and it's killing me. I am having trouble stopping the tears from flowing and hiding them from my daughter right now.
She shouldn't have to see me this way. Why does this have to be so hard? Why do some people get pregnant so easily...even when they don't want to?
I am honestly debating on using the thousands of dollars of fertility drugs I have on my own and just hoping I ovulate on my own with whatever I end up with...I'm sure that would be stupid, but I'm not willing to give up this cycle yet.
I'm just pissed and hurt and frustrated and want to scream...
UPDATE!! SHE CALLED! I am to start my injections this Thursday and go in for my first Ultrasound for monitoring next Wednesday. Whew!
thoughts flow...and some pictures
So...I don't always know exactly what to write about when I sit down in front of my blog, but the thoughts will just start flowing...right?
I stopped taking the birth control pills and am hoping that they did their job, which was to suppress any cysts I had in my ovaries and let my system reset so that we can start another cycle when My Love comes home. Victoria will be 4 in just a few months and we were hoping to have our children about 2 years apart, but as a fellow blogger pointed out, "I just wish the child-spacing choice was mine to make, and not forced upon me" (Back for Seconds). I couldn't agree more and wish that I had more control over this whole situation, rather than relying on faith & medicine.
Several of my friend have had babies recently and seeing some of the comments they make just make me want to say something in retaliation...and it's not like it's anything bad, it's not anything that they shouldn't say...Like, if someone says that they're baby isn't sleeping through the night, or is starting to crawl/walk, or I see ANOTHER weekly pregnancy update, I just want to say something like..."At least you have another baby" or "My 'baby' has been sleeping through the night for years...eats and walks good too (most of the time)! So there!" or "Right now I hate you. I watched you struggle (or watched you 'accidentally') to get pregnant, watched your whole pregnancy progress, and now your baby is a frickin toddler (and some of you are pregnant again). Fuck you." Truthfully, I am happy for you, just completely and utterly jealous because I want my day to say these things again too.
I love this little girl! :)
I stopped taking the birth control pills and am hoping that they did their job, which was to suppress any cysts I had in my ovaries and let my system reset so that we can start another cycle when My Love comes home. Victoria will be 4 in just a few months and we were hoping to have our children about 2 years apart, but as a fellow blogger pointed out, "I just wish the child-spacing choice was mine to make, and not forced upon me" (Back for Seconds). I couldn't agree more and wish that I had more control over this whole situation, rather than relying on faith & medicine.
Several of my friend have had babies recently and seeing some of the comments they make just make me want to say something in retaliation...and it's not like it's anything bad, it's not anything that they shouldn't say...Like, if someone says that they're baby isn't sleeping through the night, or is starting to crawl/walk, or I see ANOTHER weekly pregnancy update, I just want to say something like..."At least you have another baby" or "My 'baby' has been sleeping through the night for years...eats and walks good too (most of the time)! So there!" or "Right now I hate you. I watched you struggle (or watched you 'accidentally') to get pregnant, watched your whole pregnancy progress, and now your baby is a frickin toddler (and some of you are pregnant again). Fuck you." Truthfully, I am happy for you, just completely and utterly jealous because I want my day to say these things again too.
OK...on to some positive stuff...
Victoria and I have been having a TON of fun with our friends lately and taking tons and TONS of photos and I can't wait to share some of them on here (I just have to do some picking out and editing first!). Here...here is a sample:
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Pom Pom Head
Well let's see...not much going on really.
My Love is still away at training and we miss him. He will not be here for Easter, but the following weekend he should be here, so we'll probably do our family Easter dinner then and maybe even our egg hunt.
Lambchop was moved outside last night to his little lean-to barn/shelter. He didn't like it at first, but apparently calmed down fairly well. He is a noisy lil guy! He ate a lot of his food last night, so that is great! Now, if we can get him down to 1 bottle a day! One thing at a time though...
Victoria is busy in her room changing clothes. Yesterday she went through no less than 7 outfits. This age is so funny...the other day we drove by a guy with cornrows and beads in his hair and she said "Mommy, he has a pom-pom on his head!" ... Too cute!!
I have to say that the more time that passes without having another child, it makes me want another one less...especially when I see how independent Victoria is getting and as I see my friends with their 2 children. Doesn't matter what the age difference between kids is...I just see stressed out parents. People with new babies at home that don't sleep, feeding troubles, diapers, pregnancy woes, dividing their time between kids, diapers, having to pack multiple kids into a car, sibling rivalry, and more...Now, I know that this is just part of my emotional roller coaster that I go through every month and sometime soon, I'll see all the positives having a new baby would be...like feeling the baby kick, holding a new born baby that you made in your arms, feeding and nurturing that baby, seeing my daughter as a big sister (I know she'll be a GREAT big sis!), seeing my Love with a new baby (he LOVES that baby stage and really, really loves sleeping with new babies on his chest), watching my baby and my daughter grow up together...as a family...knowing that when I'm gone, they won't be alone...Now, if only this emotional roller coaster would be over with me holding a new, healthy baby...
My Love is still away at training and we miss him. He will not be here for Easter, but the following weekend he should be here, so we'll probably do our family Easter dinner then and maybe even our egg hunt.
Lambchop was moved outside last night to his little lean-to barn/shelter. He didn't like it at first, but apparently calmed down fairly well. He is a noisy lil guy! He ate a lot of his food last night, so that is great! Now, if we can get him down to 1 bottle a day! One thing at a time though...
Victoria is busy in her room changing clothes. Yesterday she went through no less than 7 outfits. This age is so funny...the other day we drove by a guy with cornrows and beads in his hair and she said "Mommy, he has a pom-pom on his head!" ... Too cute!!
I have to say that the more time that passes without having another child, it makes me want another one less...especially when I see how independent Victoria is getting and as I see my friends with their 2 children. Doesn't matter what the age difference between kids is...I just see stressed out parents. People with new babies at home that don't sleep, feeding troubles, diapers, pregnancy woes, dividing their time between kids, diapers, having to pack multiple kids into a car, sibling rivalry, and more...Now, I know that this is just part of my emotional roller coaster that I go through every month and sometime soon, I'll see all the positives having a new baby would be...like feeling the baby kick, holding a new born baby that you made in your arms, feeding and nurturing that baby, seeing my daughter as a big sister (I know she'll be a GREAT big sis!), seeing my Love with a new baby (he LOVES that baby stage and really, really loves sleeping with new babies on his chest), watching my baby and my daughter grow up together...as a family...knowing that when I'm gone, they won't be alone...Now, if only this emotional roller coaster would be over with me holding a new, healthy baby...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
No shame on me...
Well, I started writing a kind of whiny/dark post, but decided some humor was better. Having a 3.5 year old can be so much fun, and so trying sometimes. My daughter has said some of the funniest stuff lately...
We were in the car the other day and she had screamed, right then, my gas light dinged on...I told her that she broke my car by screaming too loud and said "Shame on you"...she sat there a few minutes and then said "Mommy, there's no shame on me. When I put shame on me it will be pretty."
Another time in the car, a friend and her children were riding with me and my little one was being pretty naughty, yelling, kicking, throwing toys. I told her she needed to be a good girl, to which she replied..."But it's too hard to be good!"
Oh, and she is planning her wedding. Every store we go to, she wants these flowers for her wedding, or this dress for her wedding, or these napkins for her wedding...it's pretty cute, especially when I ask her who she is planning on getting married to: "I am going to marry my Daddy."
When we tell her that she can't marry Daddy because I am married to Daddy, she gets so upset, with sobbing tears and all.
We were in the car the other day and she had screamed, right then, my gas light dinged on...I told her that she broke my car by screaming too loud and said "Shame on you"...she sat there a few minutes and then said "Mommy, there's no shame on me. When I put shame on me it will be pretty."
Another time in the car, a friend and her children were riding with me and my little one was being pretty naughty, yelling, kicking, throwing toys. I told her she needed to be a good girl, to which she replied..."But it's too hard to be good!"
Oh, and she is planning her wedding. Every store we go to, she wants these flowers for her wedding, or this dress for her wedding, or these napkins for her wedding...it's pretty cute, especially when I ask her who she is planning on getting married to: "I am going to marry my Daddy."
When we tell her that she can't marry Daddy because I am married to Daddy, she gets so upset, with sobbing tears and all.
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