No point in testing...

Well, I can say with certainty that this last IUI did not work. It sucks, it really does...and for today, it's kind of hard for me to make that final acceptance with myself that it is probably over, but if I'm being honest, right now is not the time to add a baby to our family. We have our nephew living with us who is the same age as Lil Miss, My Love will be deploying soon, I may have to move to get the kids into a better school district, I am starting work....I think that is more than enough right now...it's just accepting the finality of it all...

Busy time of year

It has been amazingly busy for me and I fear it is only going to get more so. We have our wonderful nephew A living with us right now and he will be celebrating Christmas with us. He and V have been having so much fun together though it is a learning experience for them both. They are both headstrong and tattle-tellers so we have had a lot of correcting, but it will all work out. They are both 4.5 years old, so what can I expect...really? LOL

I feel very guilty because I was nominated for a blog award and have yet to get around to doing my portion...but I will...I PROMISE!! I just have to get ahead on some school work. I have 1.5 weeks left of this class and then I will have a MUCH needed break for a few short weeks over the holidays.

I have so many other things I have slipped on. I need to make more phone calls for work, I need to register & get the new car inspected (just a gas-saver older Honda Accord that we got really cheap), I have to clean my house (it's getting cluttery), I have to get my truck fixed, I have to relax...

I was able to spend some time with my great friend R tonight getting facials. It was a gift from her and we have both been so busy that we weren't able to take advantage of it earlier, so we finally made it...my face feels fantastically smooth and soft. It was my first facial, but I am pretty sure I'll have another one again soon. It was nice.

V has her little Christmas concert tomorrow night for her preschool and I'm excited for her. It will be so cute. I hope My Love can make it and doesn't get stuck at work...they are getting ready for their upcoming deployment (ugh).

Anyhow, other than that, all is well...just busy.

Fertility wise - I'm about 6 days past IUI and I have no clue what is going on down there...lots of cramping, I can say that. I don't plan on testing anytime soon, so please don't ask. I will post when I do though.

Well, I'm off...super-mom still has homework to do...

wham, bam, thank you Dr.

Well, I am now done with my 6th IUI and praying that since this one actually has some differences from the other 5 (more eggs!) that it might work. We had good counts, good eggs, and a good Dr....can't really complain. The whole procedure only takes about 45 seconds and then it's over and I laid there for my 15 minutes playing games on my new phone, then threw my clothes back on and went out to lunch with my husband...

An educational video for you. :o

Now, off for my next adventure of the day...which will NOT be a wham, bam mission...it will be torturous and evil...I have a cavity on the back of my wisdom tooth that I am going to go get filled....ouch, ouch, ouch!
Wish mine was this easy...

2 to 4...nothing less, nothing more...

I went in for my Ultrasound yesterday morning. Dr P came in and asked if I wanted to make a guess on how many were in there...I said, that I wasn't sure, but I know something is going on down there cause I am bloated and feeling "full"...then, I said "I want 2 to 4, nothing less, and nothing more"...

Well, he checked the right ovary first and besides my little pearl necklace of small follicles in there, there were 2 nice large follicles in the right ovary. Then we checked the left and had 2 more!

So, I got 2-4, nothing less, nothing more. Estradiol levels confirmed it too! OMG!

This is the FIRST time in 23 months of fertility drugs that I have had more than 1 egg from the meds!!! I am to trigger Wednesday night and we are scheduled to do an IUI on Thursday morning!

I must be crazy...

OMG! I feel like I must be crazy with everything going on in my life right now...granted, none of it is bad, but it's definitely a lot going on. Let me tell you...

My house increased 100% for the week of Thanksgiving, adding Grandma and Grandpa, their dog, and my nephew (4 years old). It was a lot of fun, just busy having that many folks in my house at once. Then, Sunday after turkey day, I started my shots for fertility. Monday I started a new job and our guests headed back home. ((The job, since everyone keeps asking, is a sales rep for a local magazine.)) This Christmas we will be driving to visit my family (a good 3 day drive) with two 4 year olds and a dog. Sometime early next year, My Love will be deployed.
There are some other things going on too, but I can't quite talk about that yet. Anyhow, it will be a busy, crazy next few months...

It could always be worse and I have to remember that. I have a husband that loves me and is here every night he can be. I have a beautiful daughter who is sweet and caring and clever and snuggly. I have the support of my family and friends. I have faith in God and know that He works in mysterious ways. So, while life is crazy, it is not bad, not bad at all.

A video to watch

One of my bloggie friends, Bobbi shared a video that her husband made about infertility for her.

They  suffered from secondary infertility and she is now pregnant with their son, Tristan, after 2.5 years of trying and finally getting success with an FET transfer (after a failed IVF). Their daughter, Ella, helps out with the video in the end and it is a beautiful. I have so many of the same thoughts as what is seen in this video, (though we still have no end in sight...no pregnancy to celebrate with) and it is true of infertility regardless of whether it is primary or secondary.

Anyhow, here is the video:



Enjoy!!

Starting Sunday...

Starting Sunday I will be injecting myself with all sorts of meds...yup, AF finally showed up. I think it was like a 60 day cycle...argh!

Anyhow, hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We sure ate some amazing food. Life is about to get crazy hectic for me and I'm not sure which way to turn next, but I'm going to just try to go with the flow...

Monday I start a new job. I will be selling advertising in a local relocation magazine and am very excited about that! Monday the grandparents and nephew head out also and My Love goes back to work, so V will be with a babysitter all day.

Tuesday, V and I need to go get our Flu shots and then she has school and I have TONS of homework to do...just started a new class this week.

I am sure that on Wednesday my new boss will want to run some appointments with me, so I will probably be working again and the same thing Thursday.

Friday I will be taking V to school again and doing more homework.

All during this time I will shoving needles in my tummy and praying that my ovaries do their jobs and make some eggs (NO cysts!!).

Christmas is coming and I have to go shopping and it's just going to be crazy for me...tons of craziness...

Here are some pics from the week:

Anyhow, please pray for guidance for me in the coming months for many things and please pray for My Friend & family. I pray that their struggles untangle themselves and that the resolution to their problems comes peacefully. (that's about all I can say). I love you My Friend.

Bring it on!

So, I picked up my meds and got my fertility orders from Nurse D. yesterday morning. Holy moly it is a LOT! Once AF shows, I will be on 2 vials of Gonal-F and 1 vial of Menopur each day. This is more than I have ever done so far. I am ready to do more. I have yet to get more than 1 egg, so am ready to get my 3 and get this done! :) It will have been 2 years on fertility drugs in January.

Took my last Provera today, so AF should be here any day now...just in time for My Love to get home. He has been gone for the last 4 weeks and we have missed him.

We have family in town for Thanksgiving. My mother and father-in-law, their dog, and my nephew. We are so blessed to have him (A) here right now. V is LOVING it!! A and V have been playing and giggling and have yet to really argue or fight! It's awesome! They are the same age, so it makes it really fun.

Ok, back to the giggling 4 year olds! Will post pics soon!

Falling Leaves

It is beautiful here in the Fall. My yard is COVERED in leaves and we have been having a lot of fun playing in them. Life is going very well right now and I am just enjoying it day by day. Here are some pictures:

A productive day

Today was actually a very productive day.

I talked to Nurse D about where my prescription was...apparently it got called into the wrong pharmacy...oops.

I cleaned up the house this morning and did some laundry as well as made a couple of very important phone calls.

I got a job today and it's in a field that I am not only good at, it's what I am going to college for!!

Took V to preschool and headed to the library to do homework (which I finished!).

When we got home I raked the front yard and cleaned out the new car. We bought a little gas-save Honda Accord very inexpensively but it needed the windows cleaned (badly).

I made a delicious dinner and we watched a movie then the Lil miss when to bed and here I sit.

Here...some pictures!

Before

After

 

 

 

My Birthday Girl

You see birthdays...

One of my dear friends' littlest one turned 1 today. She is gorgeous and I love her. :)
And while I wish her the happiest first birthday, in the dark infertile corner of my mind, I fall apart.

This is not just to one person...this is to LOTS of people...While you may see your baby's first birthday...I see 1 year and 9 months that have passed without ever seeing a positive pregnancy test and countless needles...1 year, 9 months of hormones, stress, emotions, and lots of tears.

I know that in that same time I have had some of the best blessings with my life, my husband, and my daughter, but it doesn't ease the ache in my heart for another baby.

Anyhow...I didn't mean to have to somewhat whiny posts in two days, but I have had several friends have babies in the past few days and several who have celebrated first birthdays within the last few months (and some coming up)...it just gets to ya.

On a separate note, I had a great time today at a local festival. :)
I got nauseous riding the rides (too much spinning!)...never any fun, but I feel much better now. 

Here is our pumpkins from Halloween:

What now?

Let me start by saying that life is good. It really is. I love my husband soooo much and I love my daughter more than I could ever put into words. I have a lot going on in my life right now. I have blessings falling on me from all sorts of directions and it's wonderful. I had a job interview the other day and it went fantastically. I contacted my RE today and told them I am ready to go the next go-round with medicines and she said (and I quote) "We're going to HOP you up on medicines and we're going to make this work!"...I hope she's right. With all the blessings I have going on...I still want that one...I want that baby in my arms...
I have been soooo good lately with seeing everyone's blossoming bellies and watching their babies turn 1 and even 2 years old and not being jealous...but for some reason the past few days have gotten to me. I am hating seeing the pregnancy and newborn complaints and seeing everyone getting ready to celebrate their babies birthdays...3 years...who would've thought it??? oh well....

Happy Birthday Bailey!

My dog turned 9 years old today! I can hardly believe it!! I remember bringing her home when she was just 6 weeks old. My best friend and I drove like 12 hours (one way) to go pick her up and bring her back home as a surprise Christmas gift for My Love. He always wanted a Weimaraner, so I found a female runt because we lived in an apartment at the time and we wanted a smaller Weim than normal. She has been such a blessing in our lives and has been our baby and is still our puppy to this day. 

Happy 9th Birthday Bailey! 

We love you!!

"You have a heart of gold"

My mama flew in yesterday! We have lived here 3 years and this is her first time visiting us in this home. I am still bummed that my dad didn't make it, but he has to work. Anyhow, after I picked her up, we walked around a mall a bit until my Aunt, who was in town for work, got out of training, and we all went to dinner together.

We went to P.F. Changs. It was really good food, I really liked their chicken lettuce wraps! Anyhow, at the end of the meal we all got our fortune cookies and my fortune was "You have a heart of gold"...I loved it so much, I stuck it in my purse. I never do that.

I got some more great news on some happenings going on in our life and I am getting very excited! My heart is swelling, but my head needs to stay focused to make some phone calls and to learn some things.

Blessings abound~!

He works in mysterious ways...

God works in mysterious ways and answers prayers in ways you might not always expect. There are some potentially wonderful things brewing in my world right now and no, I am not pregnant.
On another note, I have been completely non-stop busy for the past few days...running errands, being crafty, mowing lawns, fixing things, just go and go and go...

I really should be working on my assignment right now, but have soooo much running through my head and wanted to get it out a little bit before I start. I wish there was more I could say right now, but there's not, so this will have to suffice.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Halloween Spooktacular!

Today we had a fantastic day (well, most of the day)! We got everything ready for V's costume, our trunk-or-treat decorations, and our Sweet and Savory Halloween dishes to share with our friends in our playgroup!  It was a very busy day and I was actually somewhat creative!!
I am going to share some photos of my craftiness for the day (which NEVER happens) because I am kinda proud of it!

Pink Super Hero!

My monster car

Making cookies!

Yummmm

Meatloaf!!! (It's gory, but delicious!!)

So, the day was busy and hectic to begin with, we had an AWESOME time at our party, and then my truck over-heated and broke down on our way home. Luckily I had some antifreeze mix and got us home, but I am going to have to find the leak now. Oh well.   I'm sure a few people got a kick out of the fact that I was dressed as a princess and fixing my own car...LOL.

Getting more and more excited for Halloween!

October ICLW

Well hello there fellow bloggers! 
This is my 4th ICLW and I look forward to reading other's stories, finding some new blogs, and hopefully gaining a few more followers on mine.


I am 31 years old and My Love is 33 years old. We have been married over 10 years.

My Love is in the military and is always in and out of training...only adding to the stress of TTC, but it is a good life and I am proud of him.


My daughter: At about 25-26 years old we decided to TTC #1...no cycles were happening for me though, a year later, went to the Dr....tests and tests and tests later, low and behold I have PCOS. Got on Metformin and Provera...2 cycles later, BFP! 9 months later and some pretty scary complications in the end...a beautiful baby girl! Her birth story.

Anyhow...3 years ago, in August, we started TTC#2...I was already on Metformin and taking Provera to get things going...
Not happening.
Seek RE.
Clomid resistant...start injectibles...
1.5 years of fertility injections,
5 IUI's,
all BFN's...
Only positive pregnancy test I've ever seen resulted in that beautiful baby above.

Just because I have one, doesn't lessen the want or hurt for another, though I wish I could say it does. Secondary infertility is horrible and traumatizing and hard. I do have my daughter, yes, but I want so badly to give her a sibling, to give My Love another child, to hold another baby of mine in my arms (and hopefully not miss out on the birth!). I ache for this and because I have a young daughter, we go to school, birthday parties, and playdates with mom's who have had their 2nd and 3rd children in the time we have been trying for one more. I put a smile on my face and cry on the inside.

typical PCOS ovary w/1 large follicle

CURRENTLY: I am doing NOTHING. I had to go on birth control pills because I had a HUGE cyst in my left ovary. It is gone, I had my cycle in the middle of the pills, I'm on CD 19 and not sure I will ovulate at all this cycle. I can say that nothing is happening for us this month. :(




I love my miracle daughter and stay-at-home with her right now. She just started going to pre-school for 2 half days a week and she loves it.

I go to school online full-time and I help organize a large playgroup in our area. I love taking photos and I like to talk (a lot) which is part of the reason I started a blog...so I could stop talking my fertile friends ears off...they don't want to hear this stuff and I know & understand that.

Despite it all...

Despite any bad news I could report about my life, I am still happy and I still have the most important things around me. I could choose to focus on the whiny complaints, or I can try to focus on the good things. I can choose to put the stress aside for a little while everyday and just try to be joyous.
I am not looking forward to some of the upcoming events, but I know I can get through them, especially with the support of my family and friends (and all of my bloggie friends!)...

We need guidance

Needs prayers of guidance right now. My heart is telling me one thing, and my head is telling me another about a situation that I have absolutely no control over. And no, this has nothing to do with fertility, but it does have to do with family.

My husband and I have been praying about this situation for a long time now and both of us feel the same way about the situation, but are not sure how or IF to approach it.

What have you been up to?

I haven't written for a while...
Been doing some thinking, a lot of praying, and have been busy with some other stuff.

Really, really enjoying reading my new series of books, the Outlander series...just got the second one today and am SUPER excited!!

Basically, it's about an English woman (nurse) who lives post WW2 with her husband and they go to Scotland to research his family history. While there, she finds a mini-stone henge and gets sent back 200 years in time to medieval Scotland. Then the story becomes a whirlwind of war, deceit, family, living pre modern medicine, rape, love, outlaws, and more! It's a fantastic story and I love the characters, Claire and Jamie!

I was drawn even farther in on the fact that Claire seems to be barren (or infertile) with her first husband after trying for years and, with no luck, tries to deal with it emotionally. The very last page of the first book, while she is with Jamie, she tells him she is pregnant though! 

Anyhow, can't wait to start the next book!

Photo Credit

Tonight I will be making my fantastic, famous pumpkin pies and my mouth is already watering! Ooooohhhh yummmmm!!! Pumpkin pie with a gingersnap crust... (I stole the photo, but this is not the recipe I use). I'm glad because I will be sharing it with a friend of mine that I haven't been able to hang out with in a while. She and I are having a girl's night at her house...dinner and drinks. :) Yay!

Let's see...been working on homework. Been trying to find ways to make some extra money because money is ridiculously tight right now.

Nothing really new on the fertility front...the cyst is gone, still on the birth control pills...my body hates me. I could bitch and moan about this person or that person who I watched them announce their pregnancy at week 4 are ready to deliver...about my friends who's kids are already 1 or 2 in the time that we have been TRYING to have a second...but, it does no good. I'm glad that they have had healthy babies and healthy pregnancies, I really am happy for them. I know how blessed I am to have my miracle. I pray for those that have yet to experience the miracle of motherhood whom want it so badly and I pray for those babies who live with parents who don't want them. I don't have a "next step" yet...I am just trying to enjoy the beautiful daughter I have.

Loved this little guys face!

Everyone has to eat...

I have been searching for quite a while for a consultant with Tastefully Simple to get some Garlic-Garlic dip...I had this dip about 7 years ago and still remember it very fondly.

That being said, I asked all of my friends if they knew someone who was a consultant, always with the same response...none.

So, I decided...what the heck...if none of my friends know someone...I should become that someone. So, I signed up to become a consultant for Tastefully Simple. I LOVE their products and it's been great to try them out again. My Love and I are really enjoying the Beer Bread  and the dips, and the apple cake and so much more!

The food is great and a great price too! I am excited to help add some income to my family and get to eat some great products in the meantime! Yay!

Custom made castle bed for your prince or princess

What a fantastic birthday or Christmas gift!!


Custom made castle bed for your Prince or Princess!!


This unique bed is a fantastic themed bed that your child will absolutely love! These beds are made to accommodate a twin size mattress (not included) or even a bunk bed (add additional $250 for bunk).


 

This unique loft bed is strong and durable. This bed can support well over 1000lbs and is great for adding much needed storage space to a child's room. Each step up is a storage box.

Photos are shown with an 8' ceiling. This height of bed would be perfect for a 10' ceiling, but if you have 8', we can lower the bed down slightly to give additional room.

The beds can be built and painted in any two colors you choose. Additional custom painting is optional (vines, brickwork, etc).

This bed can grow with your prince or princess and eventually have a desk and work area underneath for homework.

The kids LOVE this bed! 

This bed is a steal at this price!



This is the bed we made for our daughter. Prices start at $1500.

All beds are made off-site and assembled for you in your child's room.
NC and surrounding states only please. (Delivery fee may be applicable)

My Ovaries Hurt...

Apparently having a humongous cyst in your ovary hurts...really...I have had to deal with my polycystic ovaries for some time now, but those are usually small cysts all over inside of my ovaries and they never hurt. They have been giving me pains on and off for a few weeks and yesterday the ultrasound showed one cyst at 25mm and it does not feel good. Dr. P. and Nurse D put me on birth control pills for at least the next month to help get rid of the cyst. This cyst is leftover (I'm positive) from the last cycle where I had 2 follicles...1 of which was a cyst, and 1 was an egg.

See, for those of you that don't know, this cyst will gobble up all of the good egg making hormones and continue to grow unless it is suppressed by other hormones (the birth control pills) and with the cyst there, regular eggs cannot develop. Soooooo, that being said...nothing is happening for us. again. There really never is good news for me to share with the world fertility wise...each time I go it's a disappointment of one kind or another.

That being said, we just got word of deployment news very soon, so I am just going to say that I think we're done. We will not quit "trying" until he leaves, but that pretty much leaves us a few months to do what hasn't happened in 3 years, so I am pretty sure it's 1 baby for us, and a beautiful one she is too. My ovaries physically hurt from the cyst, and my uterus aches for a baby, but my head and my heart know that I have the one child, my miracle, that I was supposed to have.