Weekend together

I don't really have much to say (shocker to my friends I am sure), but I do want to say that I am SOOOOOOOO looking forward to spending this holiday weekend alone with my husband. It's been a LONG time since we've been able to get away and I am ready.

Can't thank my mother-in-law enough for being here to watch the little one. :)

5th times a charm?...

So, I went in this morning for my 5th IUI...again, with only 1 egg. So much about this cycle is different than what we have seen in previous cycles, so I am cautiously hopeful that our results will be different than my last ones also.

In other news, we got a tent and will be using it soon. :) I'm excited!

And here is a photo of my super, yummy strawberry/goat cheese salad with honey vinaigrette. :) Delish!

And...that's about all I got at the moment. :p

Huge egg...

Had a pretty good weekend actually. Stayed busy. Sheared Lambchop.

Had my U/S this morning. One HUGE egg, estradol levels at 347 and having an LH surge (starting to ovulate)...so, IUI is tomorrow. :)

It's so hard to NOT get my hopes up...EVERYTHING about this cycle was different. Double dose of medicines, 3 eggs, 15 eggs, 3 eggs, 2 eggs, 1 egg...ONLY time I have ever had one on the left...on day 29 of injections...so, EVERYTHING is different. But I am trying to stay realistic. My 5th IUI is tomorrow...nervously excited. Anxious that it will be ANOTHER failed cycle...

Don't Leave me...

Hello ICLWers!! ---Wait, don't leave!

I am sorry for the multiple posts...if you can't tell, it's kind of a big week for me. :)

So, my welcome is below (or you can click here).

Update on Fertility: 
U/S was this morning...now down to 2 follicles it looks like...a 15 and a 13, but the best news is my Estradol levels are FINALLY increasing!!! Woot! So, more and more injections for now...next U/S on Monday!

Update on other stuffffs
A/C is fixed, so it's not so hot now, thank God!
V is feeling much better! It was an ear infection and possibly strep, but she has been on anti-biotics for a few days and of course Tylenol and Motrin are my best friends. :)

Happy 10 Year Anniversary My Love!

10 years ago today I married my wonderful husband, My Love. 

It was a beautiful day spent with family and friends. We were married in beautiful sunken gardens surrounded with Grecian columns. We were so young and naive. I was not nervous, I was excited, I was ready. Our families were amazing and helpful. There was no drama, there was drinking, dancing, and celebrations. Your family showed mine how to peel a shrimp without making a mess of themselves and a good time was had by all.  Our wedding was everything I had dreamed about, and my groom was more than I had ever could have dreamed for. 

So, today, we are celebrating 10 years since the day of our wedding, but our life together is so much more than the anniversary of 1 day.

You are working today and will not be home but that is ok. You don’t have to be here for me to know how much you love me and I love you.

I know it sounds corny, but I love you more now than I did the day we got married. I love you more all the time.

We fit so well together.

Has it always been a smooth, perfect road, no…it’s a marriage, not a fairy tale, but we so rarely even argue, even in the toughest times.

I love our history together, knowing what we have made it through only makes us stronger.

You know me better than I know myself sometimes, you know my deepest, darkest secrets and treat them like they are your own, you know my biggest dreams and worst fears and respect them for what they are.


You do everything within your power to keep me happy and healthy, even if it means a kiss, flowers, or just to be left alone.

You take care of me when I am sick and hold me when I am tired. 

You know the things that are important to me and know what I am interested in.

You listen while I talk, and talk while I listen.

You take me on dates, both fun & serious ones.


You still open doors for me.

You cuddle with me.

You compliment me. 


I love that you surprise me with flowers all the time.

I love how caring and kind you can be.

I love that we share a beautiful daughter and I love what a great father you are.

It’s been 10 years of a wonderful marriage and I look forward to the next 1, 5, 10, 20, and more!

I love you.

With my whole heart,

Ericka

He proposed to me...10 years ago

My 10 year anniversary is tomorrow, so I thought I’d share my proposal…

Without going into too much detail, we were young and dumb while dating, but eventually got our heads put back in the right place and got back together. 

We were both in the military. In October, I was just told that I was going to be medically discharged. That was kind of scary because I didn’t know what I was going to do next! Well, that very same day I was told, I was sent to the field with my brand new unit. Just a few things going on all at once…eeek!

When I came home a few weeks later, My Love had left me a dozen roses! Awww…how sweet! We met up to go grocery shopping (we liked to cook together) and he was sooo not himself that night…he seemed so stressed, so I asked…”What’s wrong?” Him: “Stress” (I know there was more conversation than this, but not a whole lot more---very uncommon for us).

We got back to the barracks and put groceries away and I sat down on the couch. He was up kind of pacing…he walked over to his jacket and said, here, I have something for you. He handed me a piece of computer paper folded up like a card…Here was what was on the front (yes, this is the actual card!):

I had NO clue what it was going to say…I do remember thinking that maybe it would be something asking me to stick around the area when I got out instead of going off to Arizona to go to college (like we had talked about). So, I opened it…

I was flabbergasted…stunned…

I remember very clearly asking “Ummm, are you sure?”

I don’t even remember saying yes, though I obviously did at some point. Come to find out later that My  Love was sitting holding his breath the whole time, ready to bolt out of the room if I said “no”. 

Oh yeah, and he had also called my Daddy and asked for my hand in marriage before he asked me. He’s awesome.

So, not long after that, I got out of the military and we were married and it’s been an awesome adventure since then!

How were you proposed to?

It's getting HOT in here...so take off all your clothes...

Last night, V started whining that she didn't feel good and sure enough, she was HOT...fever...

She has been bouncing between 101 and 103 with meds. Took her to the doctor today, ear infection and possibly strep throat. Nice...yesterday afternoon and early evening...she had no symptoms at all.

Then, when we got home last night from our friends house (where her fever started), our AC was broken...last night, it was about 76 in the house and at this moment it is 82. It's hot in here!

Outside is cooler right now so I just opened the house up. It's cool because there is a rockin thunderstorm (without rain at the moment) outside. My dog (who is 70lbs) is curled up beside me on the couch being all wimpy.

Oh, now it's raining...spoke too soon. Pouring actually...that is fine...as long as it cools the house off.

p.s. Very, very, very glad we toted our window A/C for all these years...put it in the bedroom window, so at least it is cold while we sleep. :)

ICLW

Well hello there fellow bloggers! 
This is my 2nd ICLW and I figured I'd give a quick rundown of who the heck I am!

I am 30 years old (31 in August!!) and My Love is 33 years old. We are celebrating our 10 year anniversary on Thursday!!!!

10 pretty awesome years at that! My Love is in the military and is always in and out of training...only adding to the stress of TTC, but it is a good life and I am proud of him.

My daughter: At about 25-26 years old we decided to TTC #1...no cycles were happening for me though, a year later, went to the Dr....tests and tests and tests later, low and behold I have PCOS. Got on Metformin and Provera...2 cycles later, BFP! 9 months later...a beautiful baby girl! I will be posting her birth story next month, in celebration of her 4th birthday...it was kind of traumatic, but she is here and perfect (except for the fever she has tonight...poor thing!)

Anyhow...3 years ago, in August, we started TTC#2...I was already on Metformin and taking Provera to get things going...
Not happening.
Seek RE.
Clomid resistant...start injectibles...
1.5 years of fertility injections,
4 IUI's,
all BFN's...

typical PCOS ovary w/1 large follicle

CURRENTLY: I am 24 days into this cycle with injections...2 vials of Menopur daily...tons of ultrasounds...started with 3 eggs...then 3 slightly larger eggs...then 15 eggs (what the hell happened??!?!?!)...and as of today, 1 larger egg, 2 medium sized and well...that's all that really matters...the little ones don't count. I go back Thursday for another ultrasound.

 I love my miracle daughter and stay-at-home with her right now. I go to school online full-time and I help organize a large playgroup in our area. I love taking photos and I like to talk (a lot) which is part of the reason I started a blog...so I could stop talking my fertile friends ears off...they don't want to hear this stuff and I know & understand that.

Random facts about me: 

1. I am 6'3" tall.
2. I am losing weight and finally weigh what I did when I got married...still 20lbs to go (at least).
3. I was an exchange student in high school and was fairly fluent in Hungarian.
4. I never played basketball but I was the mascot.
5. I want another baby very badly and get tired of people asking/telling me that one is enough. 

She deserves a sibling. She is awesome and would make a wonderful big sister.

I hope to "meet" some new friends this cycle of ICLW and can't wait to hear your stories. 

Blessings to all of us in whatever portion of the journey we are on...

Please feel free to explore and leave comments. :) I love comments...but who doesn't?!? 

Father's Day, tea parties, flies, and a canning party

Well, without going into details, the military is keeping My Love away on Father's Day when he really COULD have been home...I made his favorite cookies because I was told he'd be able to come home...go figure! So irritated right now!!!

I feel like my dog in this picture...like someone is dangling a treat in front of me, only to take it away...(but we didn't take it away from her...she got it).




We do have a gift for daddy also. She wanted to wrap it in "Daddy" paper, so this is as close as I could think of!

Why yes, that is a zip-tie bow...

Yesterday I watched my friend's kids and they all had a tea party, with real tea, creamer, sugar, and mini 'Nilla wafers...it was so cute! Here's some pics!

So, here in NC we have flies....lots and lots and lots of flies right now...so much so that I went and bought this nifty fly trap thingy about a week ago...and this is what it caught...IN A WEEK!!!! YUCK-A-LICIOUS!!!

Best fly trap EVER! Yes...those are flies...ew.

I really should give this next part it's own separate blog post, and will at some point, but...I won a House Party for Ball Canning!! My party pack showed up today and I have to say I'm getting really excited about it!! I think we finally have a few recipes picked out and some friends and I will be canning some food soon!

 My mom-in-law will be coming up for the canning house party and to spend some time with us soon and we are excited! Not sure where she's going to sleep yet (eek!) but it will be alright.

Fertility wise...just doing my injections daily...next ultrasound is Monday.

Oh, and Lambchop will be leaving us soon. He can no longer live here. He headbutts children and the dog as soon as they are in the yard and he's just too rough.

I think a pig would be a cute pet next...are they as noisy as a lamb?

I think I'm going to watch a movie now and call it a day...

Too many eggs

Well, U/S this morning was...well...overwhelming and disappointing. Now there are toooo many eggs in there. I know there was about 15 that I counted that she measured...nothing was over 8mm, so who knows what is going on now. Nurse D called and said the Estradol levels were at 40. I asked how bad that was and she said that my ovaries were "acting like PCOS ovaries"...poo.


The U/S tech asked if I was an IVF patient because apparently this would be a GREAT cycle for IVF...but I def. don't have $5,000+ to do IVF, so that won't be happening. We just need a few (2-4) eggs to take charge and grow bigger than the rest, claiming the space. I have another U/S next Monday.


If it's not one thing, it's another. I'm not bummed, I'm praying hard for something good to come of this...

Just another day...

Not a whole lot going on for me right now...

Had a good day today, stayed busy with V and homework. Went to an organizer meeting for our mom's playgroup to discuss some stuff and then watched my friend get her tattoo finished.

Did Zumba this morning and it was alright, but I honestly feel like I got a better workout with P90X and Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, so I will probably continue those. I'm sure if I didn't just stand there like I was lost (because I was!) half the time, I would have gotten a better workout!

I have been doing good emotionally but realized this evening that I do not want to hear another damn pregnancy announcement, birth announcement, baby birthday, gender announcement, or a "my baby is the cutest baby on earth" announcement again for a while...I have times where I am ok with this, and other times it just makes me sad. It makes me sad to hear of a 1st birthday or a gender announcement or a new birth of a baby that was not even tried for while we have been trying for so long...so, for today, I'm done with those and have hidden all of your happy-go-lucky posts on my Facebook and am not checking message boards for a few days. K? well, too bad. It has to be ok because it's my choice, not yours and trust me, if I had a choice, it would not be infertility.

Oh, and my ovaries hurt, just so you know. This better be a good thing, cause it does not feel good.
So, there is my boring update...not much at all...told ya.
How was your day? Your weekend? Leave me a comment. I'm bored. LOL

Drill me

Have you ever heard of Ovarian Drilling?

Me either...well, at least until I had been seeking fertility treatments for years after having been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).

Let me tell you what I've learned: Women with PCOS create more testosterone in their ovaries than normal (all women produce testosterone, but PCOS women make more than the average woman). When the ovaries are drilled, the Dr. creates very small, microscopic holes all over the ovaries which breaks the thick outer surface of the ovaries and reduces the amount of testosterone produced. This usually causes about 80% of patients to ovulate on their own and about 50% to get pregnant within 1 year.
Are there risks? Well, of course there are! It is surgery!! It is done under general anesthesia. A small insertion is made by the belly button and they fill ya up with gas to make room (bet that sucks afterwards!!!) and then they stick a camera and a drill in ya and drill holes into your ovaries!! This can cause scar tissue  and it can increase chances of ovarian failure.

all at once everyone.....EWWWWW

I asked Dr. P if he thought this might work for me and he is going to check to see if we have done enough other options and medications for it to work. It will work best if I lose more weight, so I really need to focus on getting these last 20lbs off to hit my goal BMI if I am going to do it. Besides fertility wise, it will just be better for me.

So...

I have created a Facebook group to help motivate myself and my mommy (and non-mommy) friends to exercise and hit our fitness and weightloss goals. I am praying that they hold me accountable and that I can do the same for them!! We already have some great conversations and motivations going on! I know I exercised yesterday just because of this group...because I told them I would. I am excited for this.

Me, Me, Me! (Moms Encouraging Moms to Exercise and Motivativate Each other)

 

 

Was she that little?

Went in for an ultrasound this morning and am just as confused as before...well, maybe. I had 2 follicles in the left ovary and one in the right, all at about 10-11mm. They are growing VERY slowly. My Estradol levels are 40...so pretty low. I have another ultrasound next week on Wednesday.

Got to hold my friends' beautiful 2 week old baby girl today. She was the same size as V when she was born and holding her it's hard to believe V was that small!! Crazy!

Think we're doing a shrimp-boil with some friends tomorrow night, so that should be delicious! Can't wait!!

Finished Accounting with a 96% and am already started into my next class.


Not a whole heck of a lot else going on.

Birthday Party Planning

I have no idea what to do for my daughter's birthday party!! Money is kind of tight this year, so I am trying to keep it cheaper than going to somewhere like Monkey Joe's or something.

I am thinking a bouncy-water-slide-thingy in the front yard maybe, or skating...either way, it will be fun.

I am also trying to think of activities to keep the kids busy and having fun...though the bounce house and skating should do the trick. :p





Oy, and the theme....what theme????

AAAAAHHH!!!! Must. make. decisions. now.

Vent, vent, bitch and moan!

Don't bother reading this if you don't want to hear me bitch about my infertility. That's all this is. 

I don't know if we'll be doing anything this cycle after-all.

My Love goes to training soon and I won't be ready until about the same time or after...
We were going to freeze his swimmers to do it, but just found out their costs more than tripled from what I was expecting. Last Sep, it cost us $125 to do it. Now, it's $530...

I guess I did stick all those needles in myself for nothing this cycle.


I'm not paying $530 to have ANOTHER failed IUI. Apparently my Dr. didn't realize that the sperm bank charges that much now...I'm wondering if they'll find another place or something...they were very shocked.
 

Nurse D called:  My Estradiol levels are only at 37 (last week they were 47...how does THAT make sense???? they're supposed to increase)...Nurse wants me to cont. meds until Friday and go back for another U/S. If nothing is happening by then or if there is only 1, I am calling this cycle off. 


So, I am fully expecting to call this cycle off. Nurse D and Dr P know it and understand.

I am just about done doing this. I can't keep doing. I hate it. I hate every part of this....maybe it's not worth it. Maybe I should just call it quits and be happy with the one I have. I am so frustrated and backed up against the wall right now...I just don't know what to do.
 
3 years! 3 years of an emotional roller coaster with way more downs than ups. I'm not even me anymore. I don't even like the me I am anymore. I'm not fun.
I hate this. so much.

You'd think I would just get used to the disappointments over and over and over. I am just done for the day...I can't keep doing this. I will keep shoving needles in until Friday and see what happens.

Ready or not?

Well, my tomatoes are ready...

My strawberries are ready...

The flowers are ready to bloom or are blooming...

but my eggs, they're not yet ready...and the timing sucks! My Love leaves for training just in time for me to be ready, but there are options we can use to get what we need...they just cost money. Money I don't want to spend on this stuff, but I did not stick needles in my stomach for the last 9 days and will continue to for the next several days for nothing.

There are a few follicles growing. One bigger one in my left ovary (this is the FIRST time in over a year to get one on my left), and a few smaller ones in my right. Nurse D will call me later with my Estradiol levels to let me know if they are eggs or cysts ***Please be eggs!!!

On a different note...Lambchop is getting quite big. Wouldn't be so bad if he didn't attack my daughter every time she went outside.

V is loving her bed! She and Daddy both sit up there to read stories:

And she loves to hide in the storage steps:

And likes to just play in the top part: 

  

I finished my accounting class and start a new one today...business communications. I had better go and entertain my baby girl for a while. Have a great day!

But where is my bed?

Here are some pics of V in her new bed:

This is V when she first saw the castle in her room...a bit confused on where her bed was...

 

On a completely separate note, I wish I had my camera with me yesterday! We watched a spider build a web, then we caught a moth and threw it into the web, watched the spider scurry down to it and wrap it in silk and carry it off to its little hiding area. It was sooo cool!!

Oh, and a new kidism from my daughter! We were swimming at a friend's house and their son got out of the pool, pulled his pants down and peed off of the deck onto the ground (boys will be boys!)...Victoria, seeing this said "You're supposed to pee on the potty. Only dogs pee outside!"   Funny!

Flowers have bloomed, Castle is DONE!

Love, love, love it!!! Rialeigh is the best! She came over today after work and finished up the flowers and leaves on the bed. It's ready! Tomorrow it will be dis-assembled and re-assembled into V's room...I will take her somewhere so Daddy can get it done and it will be a surprise for her!! :) Yay!!!!
Pics!

The vines are climbing!!

My friend Rialeigh (<---her website) is AWESOME!! She came over and helped me out big time on the bed. She did the texturing and vines on the bed and will be coming back over today to paint us some roses. :) Almost done!!

Fertility: Got my U/S (Ultrasound) today. There are a few follicles growing on each side, just pray they continue to grow nice and steady. Next U/S is Monday morning. 
In related news: Getting up at 4:30am for the appt was fine, but V had to take a nap at 9am---she's not used to that. :)

I almost cried today...

V had her preschool assessment today...was it weird that I was nervous for it? My Love tells me that it is weird I was nervous...but hey man! There are 60 kids trying to get into a class of 18 kids...my kid has to beat out those others and I don't even know what they asked her. We got to the school and they came and got her and asked if she wanted to play some games with them. She tells me they played "I Spy" and some other games. They were in there less than 30 minutes.

I almost cried today taking her into the school...it's so official to me now...it's real. She's no longer my baby...

We won't know anything for a while, but should receive a letter stating if she was accepted or if she is on a waiting list within 30 days. I wish I knew so I could go look for a job. I can't sit at home and do nothing all day...it'll kill me. I'd end up looking like that in less than a year: -------->>

In other news...there really isn't much, but here you go:

• I am working on my finals for my accounting class (in unison everyone...EEEWWWWWW!).
• I am researching how to coupon to maintain my newly enacted VERY strict grocery budget.
• I need to get out with my camera and take some pics, but haven't. 
• The bed is ready for some flowers...almost done. 
• I have an ultrasound tomorrow morning and am praying for a few good eggs and no cysts.