My mom lied to me...

What kinds of lies did you mom tell you growing up? Lies about sex, boys, pregnancy, whatever?

My mom...she told me that if I kissed a boy, I'd get pregnant...so the first time a boy kissed me...I flipped out! I was crying and so scared to tell my mom that I was going to have his baby.

I finally tell her and I'm sure she was DYING laughing inside (I think I was 6). So, she says, no, it's when you French kiss a boy...

Well, at like 12-13 years old...guess what? I got pregnant...or so I thought! Again, scared shitless to tell my mom, but when I did, she explained very calmly that kissing leads to other things and when a boy touched my boobies, I'd get pregnant.

---You would think at this age that I would know for SURE that I wasn't going to get pregnant, but I was innocent and believed my mom. She would never lie to me. Right? Anyhow, by the time I let a guy go that far (I was a good girl!) I knew better and knew how a man and woman made babies...I didn't know that a man, woman, and many, many tests, nurses, and doctors made babies though. That, I learned much later in life.

I wonder what I will say to my daughter when the time comes...

I think my muscles are trying to run away...

OMG! My arms, chest, and back are sooooo sore!

Sunday night, I told myself, "Self, enough is enough. You need to work-out!!"

I needed to add a work-out routine to my diet. So, Monday morning when I finally got up, I got my workout clothes on and turned on P90X. I did the Chest/Back workout (LOTS of pushups and pullups!) as well as the Ab workout. Then, I decided it would be a great idea to go outside and rip some bushes out of my yard. Mostly, that entailed me wrapping a chain around the base of the bush, hooking it to the bumper of my truck, and pulling them out...but once they were out, I still had to get the thick roots out and dig a hole to re-locate one of the bushes elsewhere in my yard. Those roots were 2-4" thick and I did MAN labor...no, not manual labor...that was straight up man-labor. I cut them with an axe and shovel (which normally wouldn't be that bad, but my arms were dead). Ugh!
This morning, I did the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred (cause it was only 20 mins and I had to do SOMETHING). Yup, I'm exhausted and my muscles are wanting to run away right now.

So, what is your expiration date?

Someone I love very much asked me today "What is your expiration date?" 
I was confused, said "what do you mean?"
She said..."well, how long are you going to keep trying before you decide you're truly done? Will it be when Victoria is 6, 10? Do you have an age you want to be done by if you don't get pregnant soon?"


Now, stop right there. I know some of you reading are going to get all offended and upset about this, but I was not offended. She really was curious and she really did  mean well.

Ok, so...it made me think...what is my expiration date? Do I have one? The answer to the second question is definitely yes. The answer to the first question...I have no clue. How long do I want to do this? I know that I am relatively young (30) but I also know that at age 35 fertility decreases dramatically even more. I hate the emotional roller coaster that this entails, but I want to believe it will all turn out to be worth it. So, I DO know when I want to be done...now. I wanted to be done by now. I wanted to be done having children by age 30. Well, obviously that has passed...so, now, now would work for me...I want to be holding my newborn baby in 9, 10, 11, 12 months...that would be awesome!

Ok, on a TOTALLY different note...here are some random thoughts.

Someone needs to tell Lambchop (our 3 week old lamb) that my fingers are NOT udders! Milk has never come out of them, and it never will. Eat your damn hay/oats/creep!

Victoria complained she was having "bad dreams" (mind you, this was BEFORE she even went to sleep...can we say avoiding bedtime?) so taking a line from a movie I saw once, I told her to repeat 3 times "I will not dream of fluffy bunnies" ... as I walked out of her room, she was saying this over and over! SO CUTE and I love her sooo much!

Hello and Welcome LFCA'ers

I am so honored to be able to share my story(ies) with others and to be able to make these friendly connections of support. I feel like I should have something up here that is breath-taking and amazing to share with you all, but I just got my finals done for an Economics class (which I hated) and my husband just left for training and I have been busy with my mom's group and and and! So, since I really have nothing new to share here, I will again say THANK YOU for coming! Here are some recommended readings from my blog:
Secondary Infertility
Before and After Photos
Infertile=Incomplete
Infertility Etiquette
Fertility Gods
This was not how it was supposed to be...

Ok, so I haven't been blogging all that long, but I have learned that I really love it. Feel free to explore...there are personal stories in here that are not fertility related but they wouldn't be on here if they weren't meant to be read. :)

Trying for a second child...

(I wrote this for my bloggy and BabyCenter (BBC) friends who are also Trying To Conceive (TTC) so there may be some terms that are unfamiliar to some people...I will try to cover them here: Intra Uterine Insemination = IUI, Big Fat Positive = BFP, Dear Daughter = DD) 

So, I had one baby already, right? The next one should be easy. Heck, getting pregnant the second time should be a breeze...well, then why is it that after years and years of trying am I still not pregnant? I just recently found a bunch of information about "secondary infertility" and had never even heard of the term before. I have been TTC for #2 for almost 3 years, seeing fertility specialists, taking Clomid, injectibles (multiple kinds), doing IUI's, timed intercourse, temping, taking Metformin, trying Soy Isoflavones, Vitamin B complex, and losing 40lbs, and we're still not pregnant. Haven't even seen a BFP since I got pregnant with DD.

I didn't realize how common secondary infertility actually was. Over 30% of infertility patients are dealing with troubles getting pregnant after already having one child...and because we already have one child, the emotional rollercoaster that people who are TTC go through is often downplayed because we already have one child. I hear things all the time like "Be happy with your one baby" or "at least you have one" or "there's no need for fertility treatments because you have a child"....

I know how hard it is to get pregnant and couldn't imagine NOT having my daughter, but having my daughter here while TTC is HARD! Not only do I have to go to all of the fertility appointments and put needles in my tummy and go to doctors appointments often and deal with ALL of the emotions that surround TTC, but I also have to take care of my daughter while doing so. On top of that, my daughter is ALWAYS asking me for a baby sister or brother. She talks about what she wants to name him/her, about having twins, about how she will play with him or her and he or she will eat from mommy's boobies...Also, not only do I feel the feelings of being a failure (because I did it once, but can't again), feeling guilty, angry, depressed, blaming myself, but I also feel extra guilt for not being able to add a sibling for my child.Then, my very well meaning friends, family, and strangers, are constantly asking (well, not so much anymore, because I've told everyone we're having problems TTC) "when are you going to have another child?" "when are you going to give her a sibling to play with?" "why did you decide to only have one?" and we still get the "just relax, it will happen" and the "as SOON as we stopped trying we got pregnant, you should stop trying" and the "temping/OPK's/IUI's worked for us"...


We always wanted several children and we both come from large families. It's hard not to become overly protective or attached to the one child we do have for fear of never having another. There has to be some kind of balance with raising her to be independent.

Well, I am grateful for my child, I love her soooo much and I couldn't imagine my life without her...AND, I want another baby soooo bad! I have watched so many people get pregnant and have their 2nd and even 3rd children since we have had our first.Because I already have one child, we have lots of friends with children her age...this means that MOST of them have siblings, many of them have had babies since knowing them, and we get to watch all of that with a big, fat smile on our face, trying to be happy for them, while trying not to fall apart inside.


Now, please, don't take this as whining...today, I feel ok, not good, but ok, with our situation...I just wanted to write this because I know that I am not the only person here TTC#2 with difficulty and just like many of you, I HATE that our TTC emotional roller coaster is taken for granted because we already have one baby. It does NOT make this journey any easier.

Ok, I have said my piece. For all who are TTC, Sticky Baby Dust to you and for those who are TTC#2, Sticky Baby Dust and peace in your heart to you. Let us enjoy the one (or more) that we have, and remember that we are not the only ones experiencing this emotional struggle. My wish for you is peace in this journey.

Hello and Welcome LFCA'ers!!

Why I LOVE my playgroup!

When we moved to North Carolina I didn't know ANYONE...I didn't know what there was to do, I didn't know the cool kid places, I didn't know where parks were, I didn't know anything about the area, but I learned, quickly, because I joined a playgroup. And I LOVE my playgroup! I was searching online for stuff to do and ran across a site called meetup.com and found a group that sounded fun. I joined. I was apprehensive at first to go, thinking that I would be judged as a person, as a mother, on my clothes, and that I would be trying to get into some kind of clique, but that is not what it was like...it was open and fun and while it was kid-oriented, it was ADULT time also!! I got to talk to other moms about not only our kids, but anything else we wanted to! So, here are my top ten reasons why I LOVE my playgroup and I think that all stay-at-home mothers should join one:

1. Friends! Not only will you find friends and playmates for your little one(s) but you'll make your own friends. Girls you can call on to babysit, go out with, share recipes with, have a drink with, and just to talk to. If you don't meet your new best friend the first time, don't worry...come again! With the variety of people and activities, you're sure to meet a few gals you can click with.

2. Oh, I suppose the playgroup is for the little ones too! It's a great opportunity for our children to learn how to share, meet new people, learn manners with their friends and other adults, and to learn new words and activities.

3. You'll find stuff to do in the area you live in. You'll find all the kid friendly restaurants, the deals and discounts, the good hair salons, the museums, zoos, craft stores, parks, dance & gymnatstics classes, preschools, shops, walking trails, and whatever else you might be looking for!

4. Local events! We always try to put up the local events like festivals, circuses, concerts, and other events that are family friendly so that you can find stuff do with your family even if it's not with the group. Let's face it, we don't all have the events calendar on hand and it's nice to go to one site and see what is going on in your town (and surrounding areas).

5. Exercise! Not many people want to exercise on their own, but with the group you can have group walks, runs, park time, gym time, zumba classes and more!

6. Explore new things - I'm not much of a crafty person, so I would have never thought to have painted pottery or making bows, but with this group, I have done both and loved them both. We have also done other things I would have never thought of, like filling a baby pool with jell-o for the kids to play with, or pudding painting, or making playdough, and other things like this.

7. Motivation! Just to get out of the house! No mom should sit around in their house all-day, every-day and retail therapy is not always an option! I mean, really, how many times can you explore the toy-section at Target or Wal-mart not buying anything before you go nuts! And it gives us an excuse to shower and wear something other than pj's! Also, if you host playdates at your house, which we do all the time, it is motivation to get those little projects done and clean the house up once in a while.

8. Helping others out! Not only do we make meals for new moms and their families (kitchen fairy) but we also help eachother out by advertising our home-businesses, sharing clothing, listing stuff for sale to each other, and other stuff. I mean, the little ones only play in there little exersaucers for so long and we always know the next one to have a baby, so we know where you can sell it to someone who needs it.

9. Moral support! Sometimes we just need some moral support and empathy from other moms. Moms that can offer advice on temper tantrums, picky eaters, breastfeeding, and more! The advice from people who are currently going through the same things that you are is nice, and though we love our mommas, sometimes their advice is not always helpful!

10. Sanity! Personally, I would go insane if I didn't have people to meet and talk to, and different activities to do. I can sit around the house for a while, but it starts to eat my brain I think and I turn into this pathetic zombie of a person, so I have to get out!

So, out of shameless promotion, here is our groups website if you're in the Fayetteville area: http://www.meetup.com/kidsatplay/. I am an organizer and have been for over a year and did I mention that I LOVE my group!

Bites are worse than the bark...

One year ago, my family and I went to a barbecue at a friend's house. Another friend of theirs brought their dog along (a Boxer) also. Victoria and other kids were playing and literally out of nowhere, with no warning, no bark, no growl, nothing, Victoria was on the ground crying and the dog was walking away. We thought the dog had simply knocked her over...I bent down to pick her up and saw this...

Oh Holy Crap! What the HELL just happened to my beautiful baby girl?!?! I freaked. I scooped her up in my arms and went running inside for some paper towels. I NEVER thought this would happen. The whole time I just kept telling my husband "Let's go! I just want to take her to the hospital, now. Let's go. Let's go. I just want to go." and I was shaking...oh, man, was I shaking. We had to find her "Hooey" (toy hippo/lovey) and we left. This photo is actually from the backseat of my car on the way to the hospital. I was holding her. It was about 2 miles to get there.
Once inside, they immediately took us to a room and gave her some pain meds. She was terrified, I was horrified. As a mother, all I wanted to do was make her NOT hurt...how could I help? It was very difficult to even keep her calm. This next photo turns my stomach...you can see the hurt and terror in her eyes and the cut is so deep you can see the nerves and the bone. EW.



We had to wait for a plastic surgeon, so they cleaned it and put a bandage on it while we waited:
She was slightly distracted by Dora, so that was nice. When the plastic surgeon got there, she gave her some meds that basically knocked her out, but her eyes were still open and they shook back and forth (that was freaky), then she stitched her up...19 stitches. 5 internal stitches and 14 external.



So, one year later, the scar is healing quite well. She still calls it her "dog bite" but is not, in the least, scared of dogs, although she does not like it if they run up to her face (can't say I blame her on that one). Most people don't even notice it and those that do would never fathom that it was because of this, or that it was that deep or that bad.

We count our blessings that since she was bitten, it was where it was and there was no meat missing or anything...it was a straight, clean cut. Missed her eye and her throat, which are much more important than her vanity.



For those that might be curious, the dog's owner had a 5 month old child at the time, and as far as I know, they decided to keep the dog. The city put the dog in quarantine for 10 days to check for rabies, and then released it back to the owners. They did feel bad and it's not like they had their dog attack her. No one was sued or will be.

Before & During photo -

I wasn't going to do this, but why not...I refuse to say it's before & AFTER pics, because I'm not done yet, but here is a pic of me from not that long ago...with one taken today. I don't have the same green shirt, but these are the same pants, I think (I had to hold them up, but it works because my arm is in the same angle as holding the beer). So, this is 40lbs gone and I want to lose AT LEAST another 20. My goal in this, besides looking better and feeling, is to hopefully improve my chances of getting pregnant.

Quarantine this house!

So sick of being sick...wait...that's complaining...ok...hmmm...ok. A good thing about being sick is watching the scale go down, down, down! Haven't really eaten in like 3 days...maybe 4 now...Even if this weight goes back up to the pre-sick weight...I know how it feels to be there and I think it will make me work harder on getting back there.
This is the first time in my life I've ever weighed myself this much. I honestly, for YEARS, chose not to weigh myself, saying that "if I felt good the weight didn't matter"...well...I was lying to myself and I can now say, it matters. At this moment, I am down at least 40lbs from where I was last year at this same time. NIIICE (think Steve Carell).
Being sick doesn't give me a break from being mommy to all of my farm, er, house and it's been busy...especially because we've ALL been sick (except Bailey...she's been good *knock on wood*).
This is all I'll say about this also...a HUGE congratulations and lots of blessings for my friends that have had babies this week and month. :) Can't wait to meet them all.

Old Mother Hubbard...What's in your cupboard?

I know every home has it's basic supply of food that is always a winner for lunch and dinner (haha, that rhymed!) and I am going to share some of our basics here. What are some things in your house that are always on your grocery list? These are items that if there is a good deal on one of them, I STOCK up! Now, this isn't saying we live off of these things. We actually eat a huge variety of foods in this house including almost all meats and fruits and the few vegetables that I can force down my husband and daughter's throats. Of course the basis of most of our meals is a good, healthy carb (pasta, potatoes, bread, or rice). I know that this seems weird to most dieters, but this is what has been working for me. :)


1. Peanut butter --- For Victoria, that would be peanut butter & jelly and for my husband, that would be spoooooonfulls of the stuff. Bailey loves it too. Mom...eh, I like it, but don't eat it much. (oh, and we can't have peanut butter jelly sandwiches without singing the song...http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1639351

2. Milk. For my husband and I...just plain ol' white milk...sometimes a little chocolate...but for Victoria...strawberry or "pink" milk all the way. We have to fight her to drink white milk, but if it's pink, it's gone!

3. Pot Pies. Specifically, Marie Callender's Turkey pot pies. We love them. If I forget to get something out or just don't feel like cookin'....it's pot pies! Yummmm!


4. Lasagna - Yup...frozen lasagna. I'm sure I could make a mean lasagna, but why should I when Stouffer's does such a great job?


5. Yogurt - Daddy takes yogurt everyday to work and the first thing Victoria wants every day is yogurt (or Go-gurt if we have it)...me, I always love the IDEA of yogurt, but have to force myself to gag it down.


6. Eggs - Scrambled eggs, fried eggs, omelets, egg sandwiches, corned beef hash and eggs, bacon and eggs....we love eggs, from our head down to our legs!


7. Cookies - If we don't have store bought cookies, we make 'em. Daddy and Victoria have special cookie time with Oreo's and milk, but we all love some fresh baked cookies. I try to make them in small doses so that I don't eat too much at once.


8. Cheese!! I think most people like cheese, it's just sooooo cheesy! We are ok with just cheapo sandwich slices and mozzarella sticks, but really prefer the good strong cheeses like Feta, Goat cheese, farmer's cheddar, Irish cheddar, gouda, swiss. There is always cheese in this house.


9. Ok, so this isn't a food, but there is almost ALWAYS wine in the house. I like a good Shiraz or Merlot, my husband likes a Cabernet and Moscato, and Victoria thinks it's all disgusting.


10. Beer! - We like to keep a variety of beer in our outside fridge, lovingly referred to as our beer fridge. When I say variety, I mean variety from lights to darks, fruity, bitter, local, international, and several microbrews. We have our favorites and our stand-bys, but love to try new beer!

Well, this is some of the stuff that is staples in our cupboards, what's in yours?

Dandelion wishes and Lamby kisses

I have been reading a lot of other people's blogs lately and realized that mine can get really whiny at times and I think I give the wrong impression of my life. I am a happy person, I am a fun person, I just happen to write the most when I'm feeling down and want to share how I'm feeling without whining and crying to my husband and friends.

My hope is that I can shed some light on how some of my infertility journey feels, but I also started this blog in hopes of sharing photos, recipes, funny or quirky tidbits, etc of my life. So, what I am dedicating myself to for Lent is to write a post at least every other day for the rest of Lent (and hopefully beyond) sharing a bit more (I was raised Catholic afterall)...

Yesterday, the afternoon was cloudy, but warm enough that the kids (Victoria, Bailey, and Lambchop) and I played outside for a couple of hours. I brought my camera along and played with it which was really nice because I haven't played with it in so long...tooooo long. I took over 400 photos yesterday, messing with the aperture and shutter speeds, the manual settings, flash on/off, and other stuff. It was a lot of fun and I got some decent pictures out of it. Now, if I only knew Photoshop a bit better to know how I could edit these pics to make them a bit better, that would be awesome...here's a few originals (*unedited)...


Here they are after I played around with them...like I said...I wish I knew more, but this was just me playing...the first two are subtle changes, just increasing the color basically...the last photo I played with a little more...I like it!


So, today we are going to a park with our mom's group (which I love, by the way) and we are going to blow bubbles! We are taking Lambchop for his first meeting and I'm sure he'll be a hit. He is very cuddly and thinks I'm his maaa-maaa. He feels the need to be by me all the time...if I'm on the couch, he's on the couch, if I'm in the kitchen, he's in the kitchen...you get the idea...Don't get me wrong though, he is a farm animal...he poops and pees when he feels the need, no matter where he's at...and he has diarrhea, so that's GROSS...I have never washed so much laundry in this short of a time period...I am constantly changing his bedding out because I don't want my house to stink and I don't want him covered in his own yuckiness. He has gotten a few baths and gets his rear end showered at least once a day...but...he loves on me and nuzzles with me and chases Victoria and headbutts Bailey and kisses us...he is pretty cute.

So, off for my day...I hope you pick a dandelion...enjoy it's yellow color, play with it, make a wish on it, and toss it in the air (just not in my yard...I don't want anymore! LOL)

The Hampton's had a little lamb...his fleece as black as coal...

Well, we got a lamb. He was born March 2nd and he is black...a black sheep. He is cute and cuddly and playful. This will be a learning experience for all of us, but I think it will be pretty darn cool. His name is Lambchop. He is bottle fed (8oz about every 4 hours right now) and eventually will eat hay, grass, and grains. He definitely lets me know when he is hungry. Here is a video to show...He will grow fairly quickly and when he gets too big, he will no longer live with us, but in the meantime, we are enjoying him. He is exploring everything inside and out, he stays at our feet all day long, and I think he's teething. He is trying to chew on our fingers and some of our furniture, so we have to watch him constantly. I don't think lambs can be house-trained so as soon as it's warm enough, he will mainly live outside. That being said, we are a bit jumpy that every time he gets up to walk around, he is going to pee, so we take him outside and spend lots of time outside with him right now. This is good, it keeps us from being couch potatoes and helps us to find things to do outside together.

We were really worried about how Bailey would react, but it was actually kind of anti-climatic. She was really excited to meet him at first and since then, she couldn't even care that he is there. Every once in a while (like you'll see in the video) she tries to play with him.

Victoria is loving "her" lamb and she bottle feeds him most of the time. It's been a great source of bribery to get her to eat all of her dinner (she can't feed him until she has eaten...if she doesn't eat, we feed him instead). It has been a fight to get her to not pick him up constantly though.

On the rest of life's front...college is going fine. I am taking an economics class. My husband is busy with schools and training. Victoria is registered for preschool, starting in July. We are getting settled into the house but still have a few things to go through (mostly boxes of photos).