Playing in Rainbows

Well hello everyone! Today has been a busy day. A good, busy day. We did a bunch of yardwork, cooked some bourbon rubbed chicken and pineapple on the grill for lunch, went shopping, got a bunch of laundry done, and the evening is rolling in nicely. We will be having corn on the cob (in husks) and some delicious ribeye steaks for dinner with a cucumber salad. :) Yummmmm!!!

Fertility news: Talked to Nurse D today and she gave me a new gameplan. I am to start on 2 vials of Menupur every day (starting tomorrow) as well as adding a baby aspirin to my regimen of pills. I am also to start taking Progesterone supplements after I ovulate to help my body do some of it's work. :) So, please keep me and my ovaries in your prayers.  I just want 2-3 eggs. This number has the highest known success rate and no, it doesn't NOT automatically mean multiples (twins, etc).

Anyhow, I just wanted to share some photos of I managed to get the other day.

This first set is Victoria making rainbows in the water (unbeknownst to her) and I managed to get a few shots of her playing in rainbows. :)

This next series is just mostly her being silly, laughing, putting a band-aid on me, climbing on me, and playing in the water. 

And this last set is a few pictures of some things in my potted garden. You will see red leaf lettuce, cherry tomatoes and patio tomatoes, and a strawberry plant. 

 

Have a FANTASTIC day!!!

On to another month...

Well, we had an absolute blast four-wheeling today! Wish I had a cheapy camera or would have brought my phone out because we could've gotten some great pics today! It was MUDDY and slippery and we played all day long. We ended the day swimming at the lake on site. It was a ton of fun. :)

I guess I need to call my Reproductive Endocrinologist because it's time to start drugs again. Don't know what is next...

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! We plan on just being busy when we want and relaxing when we want....taking it easy and having a good time. :)

My lullaby to my daughter...

I have sang this song to my daughter since we brought her home from the hospital and it holds more meaning to me now than ever. Listen to it. Read it. You will understand. I think this is the perfect song for ANYONE to sing when they are suffering from Secondary Infertility.

 

Angel's Lullaby by Reba McIntire

Midnight moonlight shining through the curtain lace

Paints a perfect picture on your perfect face

One sweet angel sleeping in my arms

You are the promise I knew God would keep

You are the gift that makes my world complete

And you'll never know how much I love you

But I'll keep on telling you my whole life through

Now I believe in miracles, and you're the reason why

So dream on while I sing you my angel's lullaby

As far as I know, the only time this song was recorded was during the taping of her television show, Reba. I heard it and fell in love with it. I learned all the words when I was pregnant so I could have a short, sweet lullaby to sing to my daughter when she came home. We still sing it almost every night. 

Have a great night everyone!!

Tattoos and Twilight...

Well, the bed has the first coat of paint on it. I didn't help, My Love sprayed it with his paint sprayer and it is a little more yellow than I was expecting, but definitely workable. :)

http://www.laserremovaltips.com/2011/05/23/tattoo-gun/

While he did the painting, I sat as a pain distraction for a great friend of mine while she got her first tattoo...she got almost her WHOLE back done for her first tattoo! Last night was outlining and some black shading...next session will be adding color. She was none too happy when she started (that shit hurts!) but by the time my daughter and I got there, we distracted her enough from the pain that the artist was able to finish part 1.

I bought a Gold's Gym Elliptical yesterday from another friend of mine. $100 is less than what I was expecting to spend on one, so I am happy. It is sitting in my office and I WILL USE IT. I've already done 30 mins on it this morning. I want to do more, but am afraid I'll overdo it and not get back on tomorrow (I have a tendency of over-doing it and My Love warned me already...better not prove him right!)!!  --- Oh, and something funny...I decided to listen to some books on CD that a really awesome chick (Thank you Sarah!) gave me, so I put in Twilight and I have to say it's a good thing I already know the story because I didn't even realize that my media player was set to shuffle until like 20 mins into it....hahaha.

V and I had a busy day yesterday! We went to Lowe's where the paint rep was rude! I asked if they had 2 gallon buckets of Kilz...her response (said in snappy, I don't give a shit about you voice:) "You can go look over in that aisle" as she tosses her hand out in a general direction towards paint aisles. Now, you might think she was busy and didn't have time...no. She was not busy. She was standing over the paint shaker thingy, which she had JUST put in and had NO other customers.

After that, we went and played mini-golf and some arcade games resulting in mommy spending $10 to get $.50 worth of toys and candy, but it was fun. :)

Went to Home Depot for my paint (LOVE Home Depot!!) and went home to do some homework.

After nap, we went to the library...this is almost hard to say...for the first time EVER since we've been here (over 2 years). We got a library card and checked out 10 children's books. I couldn't decided what, if anything, I wanted, so we just got a bunch for her to start. I have to say, I think we got one of the cutest kids books ever too: Inside Mouse, Outside Mouse.

On the fertility front...nothing happening...nada...except a few cramps...stupid waiting game.

Ok, this was long enough and if you're still reading, have a fantastic day!!

Here's an old picture of My Love and I. This was one of our engagement pictures.

The princess and the pea...er...castle...

This past weekend, My Love and I (but 98% him) started working on our daughter's new bed. :) We are pretty excited about it and realize that the painting is going to be a lot of work, but totally worth it. It only took him 2 days to actually build it...

Photos:

and several hours to do the "brick work" on it. The total cost should be around $500 and this bed should last her a long, long time. To buy one already completed would have cost us AT LEAST $4,000, so we feel like we did good. :)

We start painting tonight!! Woohoo!!

Can we say we have a spoiled princess?

Sorry for the 'downer' post before...

It's just so hard to be accepting of the situation sometimes. I will be fine...I always am. I will go on loving my daughter and husband as if nothing is wrong inside of me. I will hold new babies and praise glory to the heavens for newly announced pregnancies and births. I will smile and get on with life like I do every month this happens...it is just becoming so normal to do so. So, I will write some funnier stuff later. Again, sorry for the 'downer' post. I know many of you know how absolutely frustrating this journey is and how many ups and downs it has in it.

I must be insane...

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstein

I must be insane...I have been trying and trying and trying to get pregnant each month...and each month I hope, pray, and beg for different results, but each month it ends the same...bitter disappointment.  Why do I say this already this cycle? Big temperature drop back to my coverline...so far, it hasn't been wrong, so just a matter of time before my favorite house guest (Aunt Flow) shows up (did you catch the sarcasm there?). 

I don't know what it will take?!?! I see people get pregnant that are much more unhealthy than me in many ways, we all see it, so why is it so hard for me? I have friends that are pregnant with their 2nd child in the time we've been trying 1 more. I have friends who accidentally got pregnant, who "weren't trying", or "just started" trying.

I know people who take drugs, drink, don't believe in God, live crazy stressful lifestyles, and they don't have problems, so PLEASE do NOT tell me I have to be healthy, have to not drink, have to eat all sweet potatoes and spinach, pray, get right with God, or relax...

Let me tell you how it happened...

Ok, I debated on writing this post this week, because of the IF (infertility) community visiting my blog, but I do not hide the fact that I am suffering from SECONDARY infertility, meaning I already have one baby...so let me tell you about how we got pregnant the first time....NO...I know how babies are MADE...and not sharing THAT story...just read LOL.

We had been married for 5 years before we started trying to get pregnant, but I knew we were going to have problems because I had never had regular cycles before. I was 25 and My Love was 27. I had been on birth control since I was 17. I had been on the Depo shot for about a year when we decided to try and my Dr. had told me that it could take up to a year to get pregnant after getting off of the shot...well, one year later, I had never even had a period...hmmm...problem! (At this point, I wasn't that worried, but wanting to get started so I went to the Dr.)

I went through many blood tests and was sent to an Endocrinologist and diagnosed with PCOS very quickly. I was put on Metformin (for PCOS) and Provera (to start my cycle). My OB had prescribed me Clomid and I had the prescription in my junk drawer at home because we wanted to try ONE MORE MONTH by ourselves first. Well, after JUST two cycles of Provera and Metformin, we were pregnant! 

I knew it, before I even took a test. My breasts hurt so bad, like they had been used as punching bags, and they had never hurt before. I took a test at 2am because I couldn't sleep, not knowing and when it came out positive I was scared. Shitless.

Oh My God...did I really want a baby right now? We had such a great life! We traveled, we partied...this was going to change everything! How was I going to tell my husband? Do I wake him up? No...if I wake him, he'll be up all night and be grumpy in the morning...ok...go to the computer.
I went upstairs to our computer room and looked up my due date, July 17th, 2007 and what the baby was doing that week (LOVE BABYCENTER)! I looked up cute ways to tell my husband, I was beginning to get excited, instead of scared...this could be a great thing, right?!?!

The next morning, after my husband grabbed his coffee and went out back for his morning cigarette, I put a little note in our dog's collar that read "Congratulations Daddy, Mommy says I'm going to be a big sister!" and I sent Bailey out to him. (I hid in our bedroom and peeked at him through the blinds to watch this interaction). He grabbed the note, opened and read it...put it down, and then picked it up and read it again. He did that a few times so I finally went out to him.

He looked up at me and said: "You're pregnant?"
Me: "Yes"
Him: "Congratulations"
Me: "Ummm...we're BOTH having a baby"
Him: "Oh...yeah...we have to call our parents!"
So, at about 6am, my parents get a phone call from my husband stating we were pregnant, and then we got ready to go to work, I worked with his parents, where he proceeded to announce to them that we were pregnant...and then, then it was real...and it was wonderful!

Fast forward: that was the ONLY time I've been pregnant and it resulted in my gorgeous little girl! Her birth story will come later...it's an interesting one...


This is one of the reasons I never, EVER thought it could take this long to make another baby...to see two lines on a test again...to bless my daughter with a sister or brother... 

How long will we have to wait??

My index finger is too short?!?!

I just read the weirdest thing and had to share it with you all...
In an article called "What Your Hands Reveal About Your Health" one part stated:

Short Index Fingers
WHAT THEY MEAN: Women with pointer fingers smaller than their ring fingers may have a heightened risk for osteoarthritis and polycystic ovarian syndrome, a hormonal disorder that can disrupt fertility. The upside? A lower risk for heart disease. “More exposure to testosterone in utero, which relates to skeletal health, fertility and cardiovascular development, may also create longer ring fingers,” says John Manning, Ph.D., author of The Finger Ratio. “But don’t regard your ratio as a definite indicator of risks—or immunity to them.” Controlling your weight protects your joints, fertility and heart, regardless of finger length. Aim for a body-mass index between 18.5 and 25 (calculate yours at Self.com.)

Interesting, because this is my hand...

 

Clearly my index finger is longer than my ring finger...but I definitely have PCOS...

What is your hand like? 

Welcome ICLW!

I am so excited to be sharing my story with so many others! This is my FIRST time doing ICLW!!

Here's a quick run-down on me:
I am 30 years old.
I have been married for 10 years this summer.
I have 1 beautiful little girl, Victoria, who will be 4 this summer (did not take much "trying" for her).
We have been trying for almost 3 years for a second child and have had no luck.
We are seeing an RE and have gone through multiple IUI's with many different drugs (pills, injectibles, everything).
I am currently in the middle of TWW from our 4th IUI.
I keep busy with online school, our daughter, our playgroup, our pets, and photography.
We have a lamb. He is cute. His name is Lambchop.

Some of my favorite posts and favorites of my readers are:
Infertility Related:
This is not how it was supposed to be...
Infertility Etiquette
Bust a Myth  /  Infertility=Incomplete

Photography Related:
Pictures in a Purple Dress
Pink Lipstick
Beach and Birthdays

Mommy Moments Related:
There's no Shame on Me
The things on my counter
Leena Deena (my pregnant toddler)
The Bite IS worse than the Bark

Weight-loss Related:
Before & During Photos - Not quite done yet!

I can't wait to get started reading some of your bloggings and life stories that I am sure will be happy, sad, inspirational, amazing, and everything in between! I love comments, no matter where you leave them, so Thank you again for coming!

Why yes I did just do that...

I am going to a Mom's Night In party tonight...wine tasting, snacks, and adult conversations! We all are bringing some wine and most of us are bringing some kind of snack food...me...I just made

CHOCOLATE COVERED BACON

http://www.sheknows.com/food-and-recipes/articles/810809/sweet-bacon-recipes

 &

CANDIED BACON

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/candied-bacon-recipe/index.html (not my photo)

I have been wanting to try them out for some time now and took this as my opportunity to do it...so far, they are frickin awesome!!
Good old fashioned fattening and sweet and salty and awesome!! Love it!

Must be nice...

Ever just want to say that to someone? (Must be nice...) Ever just want to show your true self and say how absolutely and totally jealous you are?

Sometimes it just feels like there is walls after walls to climb over and run into and be in the way...sometimes it feels like you'll never win...sometimes it feels like NOTHING is going right...and it's during those times that the last thing you want to hear is how GREAT someone else's life is going...how they're getting what they've dreamed for...or getting something they never even worked for...

Those are the times it is best to just say nothing or grin and bear it and rejoice in others' happiness and successes.

It's just one of those days. Not a bad day, just one of those days.

The things on my counter...

Who knew that having a child would involve things such as children's pee and dog's poo on a bathroom countertop...together?

Victoria was outside playing in the backyard and came running in right past me, into the bathroom. I then heard what I assumed was her going potty...and all of a sudden I hear "Mommy, I peed in my panties!"...Ok, no big deal...she just didn't make it to the toilet, that happens when she waits too long sometimes...so I go to help.

To my surprise, she was standing on the countertop, one foot in the sink, washing dog poo off of it and peed in her panties right there on the counter...WTH? I asked her what happened (fully knowing that when she stuck her foot in the water, the pee came on out) and she says "I stepped in dog poop and was washing it off. It's on my flip-flops too". Yes, the ones she ran through the house in...Nice. So, I cleaned her and the mess up (lots of antibacterial wipes).

I was intending on writing something else today, but will save it for another day. For now, just have a laugh at my pee and poo demise and enjoy your day!

12 birthdays...

We had to do some traveling recently down to Florida, but are now home. We got home on Sunday night and Monday was My Love's Birthday! 33 years old, which means it was our 12th birthday to celebrate together! I remember our first one, his 21st, very well...

He looks so young!

Getting ready to go in!

Drinking beer at Six Flags with Brad!
He and I were not old enough. :p

We had just recently started dating and I wasn't sure what to get him...I wanted it to be special because it was his 21st, but didn't want to overdo it because I was a new girlfriend. I got him a 12 pack of Corona's and a birthday cake. We also had a trip planned to go to Six Flags that weekend with a bunch of friends, so I paid his way at Six Flags in Louisville, KY. We had a great time!

This year, I wish I could say I did something special, but that is not the case...yet. We will do something to celebrate his birthday, but it wasn't ON his birthday...we had just gotten home and we each had busy days. We did, however, get to have lunch together before our IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination). Without holding too much hope, we pray that this one, as we did with the three previous ones, works.
I think I will arrange a camping trip for his birthday, and will be cooking him a yummalicious pork roast with gnocchi and gravy, salad, wine,  and a chocolate cake this week. :)

For our trip, we did take one day and spend it at the beach. Our old stomping grounds, Panama City Beach! We had a blast at the beach and then headed over to Pier Park for some more fun and shopping! We also went out for a couple of meals, including Uncle Ernie's, one of our favorites!

Here are a few pics from our trip: 

Have a fantastic day!!

Georgia on my mind...

Florida-bound...well, for the weekend at least. Not a "vacation" because we are traveling down for a funeral. My Love's uncle passed recently from pancreatic cancer. It was very, very fast but we are glad to know he is in a better place and no longer in pain in his physical body. 

Traveling to Florida may end up ok (fertility-wise). I had a Dr. appt yesterday and actually saw Dr. P for the first time in months instead of just the U/S tech and his assistants. Not that they're not competent, he's just busy. He actually did the ultrasound and said that the timing for an IUI on Monday should work out well, so that was good to hear.

http://www.antebellumtrail.org/

I LOVE traveling and I LOVE driving. I know lots of people that hate it, but we always enjoy ourselves and love taking little back roads through small farming towns...most of our drive is through Georgia. Yesterday I saw many peach plantations as well as pecan orchards and heard thousands of cicadas. We love to look at unique and ancient old downtowns as well as looking at the 100+ year old antebellum homes and plantation homes.

I can only hope we decide to take a slightly different route home so we can see more. :) Georgia really has some gorgeous areas!

Some of my friends might be surprised, but I'll leave you with one of my favorite singers, Mr. Ray Charles: 

Stuck on the Ones...

So, after re-reading my post, I realized how many times I said the word "one" and I came up with the blog name.

This week is going to be a busy one, I'm sure. I have a pretty big paper due today for my Accounting class and a seemingly VERY large team paper due next week as well as some homework problems. One thing I'm glad about is how fast the classes are going. :(

Then, on top of that, we will be going to a funeral for my husband's uncle. Jim was a unique man that helped out so many people. He was honest and hard-working, he was creative and quirky, he was Jim. He was one of a kind. My love and his uncle were very close while he was growing up. His uncle was with him and his family often, they worked together, they advised each other on projects...He will be missed, but he is with his Mom in Heaven now. So, now I need to find someone to watch the critters while we are gone...

Also, I am praying that we get to do the IUI this week...I went in this morning for an ultrasound and we had one follicle growing...last week there were a few, but apparently one took over and decided to leave the rest behind. I would have preferred to see more than one, but I guess I get what I get. It has to grow some more to become mature so I am  praying it is actually an egg and not a cyst.

Stripes, stripes, and more stripes...

Other than that...just playing with Victoria today. We worked on writing letters and now she is changing her clothes for the 5th time. I wish she would just wear one outfit a day, but that will probably never happen. Here are some of her typical quirky outfits:

Out walking the dog...

It was warm out...but she insisted on the long sleeves...

At my best friend's house...playing dress up.

Dressing up at Grandma's

A ballerina

2nd photo of stripes

my princess

At McDonald's

Yes, she really does this herself...
Yes, we really do go in public like this...
No, I could care less what other people think...
Yes, I find it adorable...

This outfit is from today...note the mis-matched shoes...

Leena Deena and new shoes!

Oh, my child...my goofy, beautiful child...she has been walking around with a baby doll in her tummy for the past several days on and off...and today she asked me to be her doctor to help "cut the baby out" of her tummy...so I donned my medical gear (a hot pink, flowered scarf on my head) and grabbed my magical surgical kit (a wand and a comb), and she had a beautiful baby girl today. She named her Leena Deena (which changes all the time). And, at naptime, the baby went back into mommy's tummy.

Plans for the weekend:
We have a few birthday parties to go to this weekend, so that should be fun and keep up busy. One for Victoria's friend who is turning 3 and one for a friend of mine. I haven't seen my friend since she was pregnant a few months ago and I have yet to see her doll baby, but can't wait to meet her!

Allergies:
I really didn't believe people's allergies could change that much, but boy was I WRONG!! Apparently I'm allergic to the world right now...being inside or out doesn't matter...my eyes itch, I am coughing, sneezing once in a while, my nose itches, it's AWFUL!! The worst part is the itchy eyes...it's not fun at all! I bought some allergy drops but they don't give long-term relief...UGH!

FREE stuff:
A friend of mine is having a giveaway on her blog for a follower milestone! Check it out!

Lisa's Blog - 200 Followers Giveaway...That means FREE stuff people!!

Fertility: 
On the meds until my next ultrasound on Monday morning, bright and early. Victoria did great at my last one and there were some follicles, but nothing big yet. Blood tests said the estradiol levels were in the 50's, so keep going with the meds and re-check...that is all folks.
 

Photos:
I found a field of dandelions down the street from my house and stopped for a few photos yesterday: 

  And I'll leave you with a view of my new shoes...for those that don't know me and might not understand this photo...I am 6'3" tall, so when I wear heels, people are always asking me "Why?" would I wear them...well:

Check Please!

Tomorrow I go in for my first follicle check for this cycle. I have never been on this medicine before and I am hoping it is doing its job. I pray for a few good follicles and NO CYSTS! Please, God, Please no cysts!



Victoria is not a morning person...but she will have to be tomorrow...I have a 6am Dr. appt that she will be coming with me for. We'll see how it goes.




I am so tired of doing this game. I am so tired of this roller coaster. It's been almost 3 years. I want to see the extra line on a pregnancy test. I want to post ultrasound pictures of a baby, instead of ovaries full of cysts. I want to announce my weekly pregnancy update to the world. I want to hold my new baby. I want to complain about my new baby not sleeping through the night. I want to boast when he/she does. I want to share milestones with the world. I want to STOP reading everyone else's updates and happiness with jealousy in my heart. I want to be joyous in their celebrations. I want to be me again. I miss me.

My dog is awesome!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my dog. She is my 8 year old Weimaraner, Bailey. Her full name, if we had registered her would have been "Princess Bailey Breeze Hampton" so this photo is kind of fitting:

We have had her since she was 6 weeks old. My best friend and I drove up to Kentucky (while living in Florida) on a Friday after work to go pick her up. We got there at like 2 am and staying with another friend whom I hadn't seen in a while so we stayed up talking most of the night. We picked up Bailey the next day from the breeder's who drove down from Cincinnati, Ohio to meet us there, then we drove back home to Florida. Getting home at 2 am I was thinking I'd sleep great all night long...boy was I wrong!! 

Now, Bailey is my first dog. I have had lots of cats before, but never a dog. She whined and whined and whined and whined and whined (need I say more?) all night long. She was the cutest damn puppy! 

She was my husband's surprise Christmas gift. He had been wanting a dog for sometime so I finally caved. He had NO clue. :) 

Bailey is smart! She knows lots of tricks and she knows just how to play me for what she wants.

She's cute...or pretty, depending on the moment.

She is playful.

She can be a pain in the ass at times, but we love her.